384. Coloring in the Lines

I felt my left hand regressing a couple of months ago (e.g. weakened grip, greater chance of hitting the wrong keys on the piano, etc.) so I purchased a fancy coloring book from Costco. It has very intricate designs of animals from A-Z and is meant for people of all ages. It’s good for me bc I only color with my left hand and if you trace the line before filling in the shape it’s challenges my eyes, too. When I brought it home Josh saw it on the table and said, Aunty Ning Ning, maybe we can do this together. I was like, Of course!!! So he gathered up his colored pencils – the self-sharpening Crayola Twistable kind (so helpful for me!) and we went to town. Since I use my left hand we could sit next to each other and color simultaneously. Boo Boo pitched in occasionally. Man alive, that picture is so detailed it’s going to take forever. I’ve been on “A – Angelfish” forever. And there’s still more work to be done. I tried coloring some waves in yesterday but was appalled at my inability to stay within the lines. Look:

 

56. Expertise

Some days are good, some aren’t so great. This morning I tried to play a hymn on my piano (the one from Oregon that Ai Ai and Tanpo set up in my room) but my eyes were jumping around so much I gave up (this was one I need the book for – not one that I can just play). Even on good days I have a high risk factor for skipping lines when reading music. That’s why when I played at the Ladies’ Tea I used plain lyric pages with the chord letters written above them and highlighted every other line in alternating colors so I’d have an additional visual cue to keep me on track. Disclosure: I don’t really know my chords – I just go with the letter I think makes sense regardless of accepted music theory. Additional disclosure: I still skipped lines despite my highlighting strategy.

This is how I roll now. I have come to accept that I will not always be able to color within the lines or read sheet music reasonably enough to accompany a group. I used to always color within the lines, and I was a good sight-reader (when you can play a song upon seeing the notes for the first time – FYI many hymns use the same chord patterns so you needn’t always pay strict attention to the page).

I like it when things go according to plan – when things follow the outline and you receive the expected outcome. Life isn’t like that, though. It wasn’t like that before I got sick, and it certainly isn’t like that now. I got asked recently about how I dealt with being terminated from my job. Short answer: not very well. I had a couple months notice that it was going to happen but I still cried grievously when it did. FYI the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) does not cover cases like mine where there is no return to work timeline. I think Intel kept me on longer than they were obligated to and I like to make sure people know they took good care of me when I was well, and when I was sick. The time came, though, for us to part ways. I acquiesced in light of the written reports I have from a couple of my docs saying I cannot work etc. Many people are in a different, although still very painful, situation. Depending on the nature of your injury perhaps you have a favorable prognosis – it’s just that it’s going to take some time, and your employment plans or chosen career path have dissolved as a result of your injury. This is immensely frustrating since I’m sure you’ve been lining up the “right things” for your resume but then you were unexpectedly sidelined by illness or injury. Let me just encourage you for a minute: Even if you are taking time off against your will, this is not an unrecoverable situation. Yes, there will be a “gap” in your resume, and interviewers will pick it out and ask you about it. You have a great answer. It’s essentially an easy sell: e.g. I got sick, or I got injured and had to go to rehab/was in the hospital so I focused on XYZ.

This is an example of a hard sell: I traveled the world in order to find myself. I’m not saying that taking time off to travel is necessarily a bad thing (I definitely took time off, although not for travel) – I’m just saying you’ll need to spin it right during interviews. If you’re dealing with the illness/injury scenario the disappointment stings but may I suggest that you’ll need lots of energy to pursue Recovery at full tilt so when you re-enter the workforce you’ll be strong and fit for gainful employment. If you are concerned about your skills I firmly believe that they’ll keep if they were strong in the first place. If they were strong you’ll probably be predisposed to find ways to keep them from getting dull during your hiatus. Do some pro bono consulting, read some articles to brush up your acumen – anything. I think effort counts here. You’ll still need to spend most energy on getting well. But if you spend some time pursuing career-related activities you’ll be able to talk about them legitimately with future employers.

273. They’ll Keep

You’re planning for the future. And yes, you do have a future. Mine got derailed but when I get the memo on what the new one’s going to look like I’ll be ready.

 

170. How to Interview Well

This was after my undergraduate ceremony at Georgetown (COL ’02). V’s parents brought us all leis from California.

A friend of mine is preparing for her first Business School interview next week. We discussed it in my old life when she first started researching the B-School option, and now she’s going for an interview – yay! So I’ve been thinking about the interview process and things to pay attention to because your interviewer will likely take note of these things. I used to interview for the support staff at my first job (Side note – I loved being part of and working with the support staff at my first job. E.g. Ice cream bars on the roof at 3pm!! Be there or be square…we really did work, too, I promise. Breaks were good for our productivity.), as well as for Georgetown MSB Admissions (MSB = McDonough School of Business). So these tips are pretty universal, whether you’re interviewing for graduate school or a job.

Tips for Interview Success:

Housekeeping:

• Wardrobe and Grooming: Dress appropriately – a dark colored suit (a skirt-suit is safest for women depending on how conservative the environment is, but I have never looked askance at a smart-looking pant suit), good shoes (closed-toe for women is safest, please wear neutral hose – going bare-legged, although culturally acceptable, is still a little risky in my mind for interviews), clean hair, teeth, nails – ALL of your body parts should be clean.
• Breath Courtesy: Eat a breath mint before you go into the interview, but don’t chew gum since it’s likely you’ll forget to spit it out or will have no way to gracefully do so before the interview, and of course, chewing gum during an interview = bad manners.
• Preparedness: Bring an extra resume. The interviewer will likely have a copy of your resume (s)he is working from, but in case it has been misplaced, it looks good to be prepared as you whip a fresh, crisp, copy out of your portfolio. As you sit down you could even ask if you could give your interviewer a copy of your resume – again, preparedness looks good, and bringing a resume copy signals that you are ready for this – you have done your homework and intend to knock their socks off.
• First Impression: As you meet and greet for the first time, do so with confidence – look them squarely in the eye and give them a firm handshake. (Not too firm – be conscious of any rings that could cause pain.) Smiling is good – just be confident and friendly – no grinning like a Cheshire cat.
• Perspective – You’re probably nervous. If you aren’t, you might think that this interview is just for “practice” until you get the interview you really want. But take it seriously anyway. You want to be offered the position even if you don’t ultimately intend to take it. It is immensely confidence-building to have the power of refusal, and you’re not going to capitalize on this “practice” opportunity unless you bring your A-game. That said, if you’re super-nervous, don’t be. You could be interviewed by an HR person, the hiring manager, an Admissions officer, or a potential peer. None of these scenarios should intimidate you. No matter who shows up to interview you remember that they’re just doing their job or trying to help their school while they prepare for their next class, so your best bet for interview success is to make this a pleasant and painless experience for all parties involved. Yes, your interviewer is often the Gatekeeper who must pass you to the next round – but your interviewer is also a person with a multitude of home/work stressors you are not privy to. So if you get the vibe that today is a harried day, don’t sweat it and don’t take it personally – just be the professional, winning, hassle-free person you are and see what happens.

The Interview Itself

• The Story Package: I almost always led with the question, “Why Georgetown, Why now?” It was the shortest way to ask, Why do you want to do this? Why is this the right time? And why would this school be the right place? If the person could not answer this question there was little hope for the rest of the interview. There are lots of lists you will find online for interviews questions, but if you’re pressed for time – concentrate on the story package. Think of it as a “package” – it’s your story, so you know it well enough to package and present it verbally in a concise (try 2 minutes and under) and attractive way. Short and punchy is good – because you want to make it easy for your interviewer to remember key words and ask follow-up questions. Also, if your story is too long and wandering, you don’t know your story and your interviewer cannot possibly be interested in it, sorry. So brush up on the story package, seriously.
• Examples of how Amazing You Are: You could be asked a more traditional interview question like, “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” or you could be posed with a behavioral-interview question like, “Tell me about a time when….” Be prepared for both options – know one-word answers to questions like the strengths/weaknesses classic, but file example stories showcasing how amazing you are in your brain to be brought out at the appropriate moment. Topics include, goal setting, how you met the goal, how you lead/follow, how you handled a tough situation at work in the past etc. The interviewer wants to know how you think and handle situations, and the stories give you credibility. Prepare these stories beforehand, and draw the conclusions clearly, e.g. I showed perseverance, discretion, leadership in this situation when…, since you want to make it easy for your interviewer to take away the point you want them to glean from your story. Don’t leave them to their own devices.
• Thank You: If you’ve prepared for your interview, shined your shoes and reformatted your resume so it’s fabulous, sit back and relax. Once you’ve done the interview there’s little to do but send a thank you note. And yes, please do send a thank you note. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think this is a good practice. Nice stationery (e.g. thick card stock, monogram optional) is another way to make a good impression, but I’ve written email thank-yous in more casual settings, and the most important thing is to write some sort of thank you. I’ve received thank you cards on the same day sometimes, which could only mean that the person had stashed some stationery in his/her portfolio and wrote/delivered the card before leaving the building. Preparedness points!

If there is another reason for you to follow up with your interviewer, definitely do so – you want to show that you remembered and are conscientious about these things. Otherwise, leave it alone for a while – you don’t want to appear too antsy or be a nag.

Before you leave the interview, graciously inquire as to when a decision might be made, and say, “I’ll follow up with you [time frame].” This puts the ball in your court so you don’t feel nervous about calling later, (like you’re nagging), and it also gives the interviewer the option to say, Oh, no – don’t worry about it. We’ll call you by XYZ. Either way you’ve done your duty.

In the event that you do not get the job or the admissions slot, it’s okay. Rejection happens. I know it well. And you know what? When you get rejected you focus on the next position on your list and go for it. As my Daddy told me many moons ago when I tried peddling my purses around town (this was before Etsy), but no one wanted any, “Tomorrow, the sun also rises.”

Also of interest:

147. Ed’s Career Advice

273. They’ll Keep

Some friends from Intel’s Intern class  (08) used to gather for a meal and to share some laughs.  Intel’s Finance Group is a rotation program – you don’t pick your first role.  You accept the job and they place you  into a specific position.  All of us were on our first rotation – the one we didn’t pick.  These “first jobs” were often more process-related, e.g. budgeting, forecasting, closing the books etc., whereas many of us were looking forward to eventually securing “strategy” roles that offered a direct relationship with the product life cycle.

We had just spent a lot of time and money acquiring skills for these more strategic jobs, but due to the organization’s nature, we had to cut our teeth on process-oriented roles.  We understood this progression, but of course it’s hard to wait sometimes.  I used to tell people that although my role was process-to-the-MAX I really enjoyed it, was challenged by it, and as for the rest of my skills, I’d nod my head knowingly and say “They’ll keep.”

It’s been over 2 years, and my friends were just beginning to rotate into different jobs when I got sick, and they’ll likely have sought third roles by now.  I got a new role, too, and it’s going to be the most “strategic” one of my life.  And you know what?  My skills did indeed “keep” – although I’m not talking about my B-school ones.

This is actually a follow-up post to last week’s 268.  Prayer Detox for Beginners.  I wanted to tell you two things:

1.  I’m not implying that if a person who has dementia or Alzheimer’s  says really “out-there” things that this is bc they failed to spiritually detoxify themselves earlier in life.  Actually, I’ve long felt that when a person loses control over their faculties later in life and says uncharacteristic things whereas they always spoke graciously before, it’s an indicator of how hard they worked to control their tongues when they had the capacity to do so.  The fact that my “trial run” at this went okay does not automatically make me confident for the future.  I’ll do what I can to purge the bad things now, as I’m able – but the future is unknown.

2.  I’ve only been doing the prayer detox for about a week, but I am THRILLED that I don’t have to rebuild from scratch.  I found that I blew through the timer I set, and then I used the stopwatch function on my phone and saw that my “baseline” was actually a reasonable chunk of time for me.  YAY!  I am so glad.  The picture above is from RIO (3^rd Hospital).  Mommy didn’t mean to take a picture of me – she was just aiming at the pretty flowers from the H’s, – but there I am in the mirror.  I’m napping after a long day at therapy.  Or it could have been mid-day, I’m not sure.  That’s the thing – I’ve required a LOT of sleep over the past couple of years.

Like I said last week, I’m really happy to have felt pretty good over the last couple of weeks, apart from those yucky headaches.  I still feel the need for sleep, but am feeling good probably from the combination of 1) the natural healing process, 2) managing myself better, and 3) the herbs CMD has me on (PS.  My chi is so robust it’s not even funny [wink, wink]).  So I feel well enough to pray, and even though my most appalling Lumosity score is in the “attention” category, I figured I wouldn’t know  if I could focus enough to do this unless I tried, so I did.

And you know what?  My mind didn’t wander at all!  Okay, maybe a little, but I got back on track real quick.  And if you read this blog regularly (thank you!) you know that I have many things to say, so that’s not a problem.

Oh, and my garden kneeler from Amazon came in the mail and I gave it to Tanpo, who has been kneeling on his flip-flops for a lifetime.  It is painful for him to accept gifts from his children, but he accepted this from me, likely bc it was only $5 and it is a very serviceable gift for a great purpose.  Now that I know the time I’m logging in prayer I might not try to kneel anymore.  I sit on the folding chair I rest on while drying my hair and I’m doing pretty well.  I’m not sure that I wouldn’t hurt myself by kneeling for so many minutes.

If I’ve told you before that you’re on the Short List, don’t worry – I’ve been praying for you!  I’ll continue to do so as I move on to this next phase of recovery.  It has been good to take small steps toward progress in the area of prayer.  I have benefited from the discipline even when I was only able to handle small doses of it, and I’m confident that the Lord noticed even the smallest  efforts I was able to make.  This is an incremental sort of thing for me.

Oh, yeah – and you know how people  say, well, if you drink Xoz of water a day it’s going to flush your system out, or if you eat XYZ kind of diet you’ll feel AMAZING?  Been there, done that, and I do not feel amazing.  Grrr….  But I am so excited to say that the prayer detox HAS made me feel great!  I feel like my insides are getting cleaned out.

Now, I try not to let my feelings guide me, but since this one is  grounded in sound principles, I’m thrilled.  You can see from the tenor of my writing over the past year that I generally put a brave face on things, and am an upbeat person.  I will remind myself what the scriptures say about my situation often.  But the prayer detox makes it less of an effort.  The heavy-lifting quotient has declined dramatically.  Yes, of course, I still have sad moments, but I’m just so pleased to have this ability “restored” to me, largely intact.

For the past couple of years I’ve had major concerns I wanted to pray about but as my brain wasn’t ready to make a concerted effort of it I’d end up turning it over in my mind involuntarily at night.  You know, when your mind is racing but you’re supposed to be sleeping?  It is such a relief to get all my worries out of my system now.  I sleep better, BTW, so it’s an all-around good thing for my life.

Another “good thing” is all the prayer support you have given me since I got sick.  Although I am no longer in the “critical” stage, please keep praying!  As I recover and calibrate so that I’m learning how to live long-term in this body, I need all the prayers I can get.  I’ve finally updated my prayer requests, and you can find them here.

I’ve also updated  What Country are you From?  I’ve had to Google some of the places you live.  My geography has always been lackluster.  (Sorry, Mom.)  Thank you for reading!

 

170. How to Interview Well

This was after my undergraduate ceremony at Georgetown (COL ’02). V’s parents brought us all leis from California.

A friend of mine is preparing for her first Business School interview next week. We discussed it in my old life when she first started researching the B-School option, and now she’s going for an interview – yay! So I’ve been thinking about the interview process and things to pay attention to because your interviewer will likely take note of these things. I used to interview for the support staff at my first job (Side note – I loved being part of and working with the support staff at my first job. E.g. Ice cream bars on the roof at 3pm!! Be there or be square…we really did work, too, I promise. Breaks were good for our productivity.), as well as for Georgetown MSB Admissions (MSB = McDonough School of Business). So these tips are pretty universal, whether you’re interviewing for graduate school or a job.

Tips for Interview Success:

Housekeeping:

• Wardrobe and Grooming: Dress appropriately – a dark colored suit (a skirt-suit is safest for women depending on how conservative the environment is, but I have never looked askance at a smart-looking pant suit), good shoes (closed-toe for women is safest, please wear neutral hose – going bare-legged, although culturally acceptable, is still a little risky in my mind for interviews), clean hair, teeth, nails – ALL of your body parts should be clean.
• Breath Courtesy: Eat a breath mint before you go into the interview, but don’t chew gum since it’s likely you’ll forget to spit it out or will have no way to gracefully do so before the interview, and of course, chewing gum during an interview = bad manners.
• Preparedness: Bring an extra resume. The interviewer will likely have a copy of your resume (s)he is working from, but in case it has been misplaced, it looks good to be prepared as you whip a fresh, crisp, copy out of your portfolio. As you sit down you could even ask if you could give your interviewer a copy of your resume – again, preparedness looks good, and bringing a resume copy signals that you are ready for this – you have done your homework and intend to knock their socks off.
• First Impression: As you meet and greet for the first time, do so with confidence – look them squarely in the eye and give them a firm handshake. (Not too firm – be conscious of any rings that could cause pain.) Smiling is good – just be confident and friendly – no grinning like a Cheshire cat.
• Perspective – You’re probably nervous. If you aren’t, you might think that this interview is just for “practice” until you get the interview you really want. But take it seriously anyway. You want to be offered the position even if you don’t ultimately intend to take it. It is immensely confidence-building to have the power of refusal, and you’re not going to capitalize on this “practice” opportunity unless you bring your A-game. That said, if you’re super-nervous, don’t be. You could be interviewed by an HR person, the hiring manager, an Admissions officer, or a potential peer. None of these scenarios should intimidate you. No matter who shows up to interview you remember that they’re just doing their job or trying to help their school while they prepare for their next class, so your best bet for interview success is to make this a pleasant and painless experience for all parties involved. Yes, your interviewer is often the Gatekeeper who must pass you to the next round – but your interviewer is also a person with a multitude of home/work stressors you are not privy to. So if you get the vibe that today is a harried day, don’t sweat it and don’t take it personally – just be the professional, winning, hassle-free person you are and see what happens.

The Interview Itself

• The Story Package: I almost always led with the question, “Why Georgetown, Why now?” It was the shortest way to ask, Why do you want to do this? Why is this the right time? And why would this school be the right place? If the person could not answer this question there was little hope for the rest of the interview. There are lots of lists you will find online for interviews questions, but if you’re pressed for time – concentrate on the story package. Think of it as a “package” – it’s your story, so you know it well enough to package and present it verbally in a concise (try 2 minutes and under) and attractive way. Short and punchy is good – because you want to make it easy for your interviewer to remember key words and ask follow-up questions. Also, if your story is too long and wandering, you don’t know your story and your interviewer cannot possibly be interested in it, sorry. So brush up on the story package, seriously.
• Examples of how Amazing You Are: You could be asked a more traditional interview question like, “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” or you could be posed with a behavioral-interview question like, “Tell me about a time when….” Be prepared for both options – know one-word answers to questions like the strengths/weaknesses classic, but file example stories showcasing how amazing you are in your brain to be brought out at the appropriate moment. Topics include, goal setting, how you met the goal, how you lead/follow, how you handled a tough situation at work in the past etc. The interviewer wants to know how you think and handle situations, and the stories give you credibility. Prepare these stories beforehand, and draw the conclusions clearly, e.g. I showed perseverance, discretion, leadership in this situation when…, since you want to make it easy for your interviewer to take away the point you want them to glean from your story. Don’t leave them to their own devices.
• Thank You: If you’ve prepared for your interview, shined your shoes and reformatted your resume so it’s fabulous, sit back and relax. Once you’ve done the interview there’s little to do but send a thank you note. And yes, please do send a thank you note. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think this is a good practice. Nice stationery (e.g. thick card stock, monogram optional) is another way to make a good impression, but I’ve written email thank-yous in more casual settings, and the most important thing is to write some sort of thank you. I’ve received thank you cards on the same day sometimes, which could only mean that the person had stashed some stationery in his/her portfolio and wrote/delivered the card before leaving the building. Preparedness points!

If there is another reason for you to follow up with your interviewer, definitely do so – you want to show that you remembered and are conscientious about these things. Otherwise, leave it alone for a while – you don’t want to appear too antsy or be a nag.

Before you leave the interview, graciously inquire as to when a decision might be made, and say, “I’ll follow up with you [time frame].” This puts the ball in your court so you don’t feel nervous about calling later, (like you’re nagging), and it also gives the interviewer the option to say, Oh, no – don’t worry about it. We’ll call you by XYZ. Either way you’ve done your duty.

In the event that you do not get the job or the admissions slot, it’s okay. Rejection happens. I know it well. And you know what? When you get rejected you focus on the next position on your list and go for it. As my Daddy told me many moons ago when I tried peddling my purses around town (this was before Etsy), but no one wanted any, “Tomorrow, the sun also rises.”

Also of interest:

147. Ed’s Career Advice

156. Why you should be nice to your Administrative Assistant

Happy Administrative Professionals’ Day!  About 10 years ago (WOW – I can’t believe it’s been ten) I got my first job.  I was an Admin Assistant for a group of Real Estate professionals at a company in D.C.  I loved it.  And I have to say, I was a good assistant.  And I also want to be clear that all my managers were nice to me.  That fact made me want to help their day go smoother in any way I could.

Even though my Admin days are long gone, it still bothers me to hear someone say, blah blah blah he/she’s just an assistant.  Just?  Umm…FYI, assistants do a lot of the groundwork to make their managers’ day possible.  That’s just a fact.  I know because I did it.  And I have compiled a short list of “Why you should be nice to your Administrative Assistant” in case you need elaboration…and in case anyone wants to share this with his/her boss (You didn’t say it – I did.)

1)    You wanna eat lunch?  Your assistant will often be the one to coordinate lunch orders for a working meeting that happens at noon.  If the meeting is small enough, (s)he might even go pick it up in person.  You want your assistant to have every reason to remember your food allergies/preferences, especially if you forget to specify what you want for lunch.  (S)he will be more likely to do this if you are a nice person.  You will also be happier since you will not have to eat a turkey sandwich you despise 3x+ times a month.

2)    Remember who your gatekeeper is.  Answering the phone at work was one of the hardest things for me to learn.  When it rang I’d jump like it was going to bite me.  But after a while I got used to it and I knew how to prioritize certain calls and wait on others.  If your assistant answers your phone, (s)he is the first person your clients talk to.  Set the tone in the office so it’s natural for your assistant to make a good impression for you.  You also want to remember who your gatekeeper is since calls from your spouse/kids will often have to be routed here, first, and you don’t want any delays.

3)    Heavy lifting often requires backup.  One of my Admin friends told me her boss would occasionally come in with a giant cinnamon bun from the bakery next door, put the paper bag on her desk and say cryptically, “You’re gonna need this today.”  It was his way of saying that he’d need her to bring her A-game and go all out because he really wanted to get something done that day.  The fact that he communicated this through baked goods was funny and sweet.  He acknowledged he needed her help to get some heavy lifting done, and the way he did it was the perfect balance of asking for help, informing her that the day might be rugged, and sweetening the deal. 

4)    Those pens you like don’t magically appear on your desk (PS.  Your desk got moved to the boiler room).  Depending on the liberty you have in ordering your own office supplies, your assistant might be in charge of keeping your desk stocked with the pens you like, the folders you favor etc.  You want the boxes of pens to just appear – you don’t want the assistant to roll his/her eyes and tell you that using a ballpoint really isn’t that hard.  Also, if you have an office move, or at least switch some cubicles around, it’s possible your assistant might have a role in the space planning.  If you enjoy natural sunlight in your current location you do NOT want to be moved to the boiler room – minimize the chance of there ever being a debate about this.

5)    Stack the cards in favor of you having a great day.  I will always be grateful for my time as an Administrative Assistant because it taught me the definition of customer service.  My bosses were my customers and I understood I was there because they had clients of their own to serve, and I was going to help them.  Some assistants, however, seem to be there so the boss has someone to take his/her feelings out on if (s)he has a bad meeting.  It’s natural to have a bad day sometimes, but if this is a pattern the only thing the boss is doing is making the assistant feel sorry for the family the boss goes home to at the end of the day.  So don’t make anyone feel sorry for your family.  Treat your assistant right so (s)he is more likely to view his/her job as helping to make your day go as smoothly as possible. 

This is a fun look into my life as an Admin:

54. I like tea and the ladies like ME!

 

 

115. How to Fight the Good Fight

The title of this post is pretty bold.  I’m slightly uncomfortable with it.  But I couldn’t think of a shorter way to say what I want to say, viz., “How to not be overwhelmed when your thoughts are holding you hostage and you want to run away but you can’t since you’re paralyzed by fear.”  So “fight[ing] the good fight” it is.  I’m thinking of other “how to” posts, BTW, but the others will likely be more along the lines of…how to eat lots of ice cream with no health consequences.  Except that I haven’t figured out how to do that – but if you have, PLEASE let me know.  Do you sense the urgency in my voice?

This is a fight, you know.  We aren’t just floating to heaven on beds of ease.  One Sunday soon after we flew home to MD my HS Sunday School Teacher told me to “fight with everything you’ve got.”  It turns out that I don’t have a whole lot – I do have a measure of personal stubbornness that has sometimes worked in my favor during my recovery, but I’ve noticed that elements of my character can change with how I’m feeling, so it’s better not to just try to pull myself up by my bootstraps and soldier on.  I need help.

On one of my last days at ChezJ in Africa I had a nice morning chat with JCJ and JJ.  This was by special arrangement – C (another houseguest) took little non-school-age M for a walk so I had some quiet moments to talk with our hosts.  We had basically come to an understanding that I was going to return to the States and ask my church to send me back to be a financial analyst/missionary in response to the very kind invitation I had received a few days before.  Now was our chance to say anything important before I left.

“In the spirit of full disclosure,” I began, “I should tell you that I’m crazy.”

“Well, we’re all crazy,” JJ said kindly.

“No, no,” I clarified, “I’m call the ambulance crazy.”

What I meant was that I am cree-hazy.  Or, more colorfully, straight up cray cray. (I got this phrase from an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress:Bridesmaids” in which the sister of the bride insisted that she wanted to wear a tiara (preferably with a veil) and the consultant’s commentary was This girl is straight-up cray cray.)

But don’t worry, I assured them, I’m just telling you this so if you notice that I’m unraveling you can remind me what to do.

So this is what you do if you start to unravel:  You get the Sword of the Spirit out and start hacking things up indiscriminately.  I learned this method of proactive mental health training when I was in my young 20s, and stressing myself out at work to the point where my hair was falling out, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t get anything done because I was literally paralyzed by my own fear (of failure etc.).

Side Note: This method will only work if you know who Jesus Christ is, and you believe He is who He says He is.  If you are unsure what I’m talking about, read this and this and/or email me at annninglearninghow@gmail.com (or just use the contact form on my site).  Don’t worry – ask whatever you want –  I promise I’ll be nice and if I don’t know the answer I’ll find someone else who does (and who will be nice, too).

Now is not the time for splitting doctrinal hairs.  Of course you will want to keep the verses you read in context, but if you have an issue, or lots of issues, write them down point by point, then use your mind/a search engine/concordance to write out a scriptural answer to each point.

It’s a good thing I learned how to do this several years ago.  I also used to practice rewiring my brain in my old life in OR.  I had a clear shower curtain so I pasted big-print copies of the passage I was trying to memorize to it so I could concentrate on it while washing my hair.  I also kept a little notebook that Je gave me in my drawer at work and scribbled verses in it when I was stressed out.  There was always an uptick in verse activity at the end of the month since that’s when my job got busier and we had to “close the books.”  I only had a small portion of the Word I wanted to store in my heart at the time I got sick, but I am so thankful I had what I had, even though it wasn’t a lot – because I needed it, and I’m sure it’s what preserved me from becoming angry, bitter, and truly unravelled when my brain bled.

Last week I asked M (37) to watch me walk so she could recommend a poundage level for a new pair of ankle weights.  She recruited B to help scrutinize my gait and as I walked alongside a pair of parallel bars I told B, See all this good walking over here?  Oh yeah, he assured me, You could put that up on Youtube.  That’s right, I thought.  This is textbook, man, textbook.  (Side note:  My gait is not textbook, but I like to think optimistically.)

On a serious note, Lt. Cmmdr. R’s former roommate (from the Naval Academy, I think) was piloting a medical helicopter when it was shot down in the Middle East several years ago.  If I recall correctly, the chopper’s descent was caught on film, and when I watched the CNN special on it another officer observed the footage and told the audience that the pilot’s reaction had been textbook.  What he meant was that the pilot had done exactly what she had been trained to do if your helicopter sustains enemy fire and is in distress.

During those few seconds, Jennifer (a beautiful blonde captain on her 3^rd tour in Iraq) reacted in a way that everyone else can look at and say, that’s what you’re supposed to do. (P.S. I ❤ vets)

How someone reacts under pressure is extremely telling.  That’s why I think it’s safer to try and react scripturally instead of relying on your inner strength – because, frankly, your mettle may be inadequate.  Mine is.  Have I mentioned that?  And this weekend I found a textbook example of using the Word to answer the cries of an anguished heart.  Amy Dane is a single mom of 4 teens in Texas.  She is a single mom because her husband took his own life a few years ago.  (About 2.5 years later, AD wrote about her heartbreaking and harrowing situation with great candor here.)  When I think I’m having a bad day, or a bad few years, I go read this.  Seriously – there are so many complicated emotions in the questions she asks, but there is hope in the answers.

Amy in Wanderland – The Truth and Why I have to tell it.

 

Psst!  You might get a kick out of this: 

67. Happenstance

 

31 2x. It’s Monday Morning!…Meeting Rules

Today is Monday and I’m going on vacation.  I know, I know – it’s the start of a new work week, so why am I taking a vacation?  Because my weekend was way too much fun and I’m all kinds of tuckered out.  Now you might not be tired, but it takes a lot more energy to just sit in a chair now than it used to, so I’m not too surprised that my resting heart rate is higher than the norm.  Did you see me on the balance board – the picture or the video?  I realized it seems that there’s not much going on as I teeter desperately, trying to find midline.  But the thing is that I was exhausted after trying to balance for a few minutes.  I’ve been kind of tired for a while now – a couple of weeks ago M(37) felt so sorry for me at PT that she let me lie down (briefly)!  It was a dream come true.  FYI the only time I ever got to lie down at The Place was when A(6) made me practice floor transfers (when you pretend like you fell on the ground and then use the nearest chair to get up).

The frustrating thing is that I’ve got lots of posts swimming around in my head, but getting my ideas translated into an electronic format that’s bloggable is too much for me to handle right now.  This is what I mean when I say I’m cognitively intact but physically impaired – the disparity between what I want to do and what I am physically able to do is ridiculous to me, but this sort of thing is not like a cold that you can just “muscle-through” and do what you need to do.  

So I decided to re-post some posts that you might have not seen yet, but that I thoroughly enjoy and want you to enjoy, too.  Meanwhile, I’m going to go put my game face on so I can go to acupuncture and VT.   Happy Monday!

This is the picture I originally intended to pair with 101. I eating chicken!  but I forgot.  I still wanted to share it since it makes me laugh.  Note Ezra’s double-fist nugget technique.  To view the pictures that actually go with this post, click here.  

Since OD3 instructed me to drink oodles and oodles of water I’ve become more thirsty, so I usually take a water break during the first meeting on Sunday morning, sit in the foyer for a few minutes and sip my travel mug of warm water.  I refuse to drink in the auditorium where the Lord’s Supper is going on since I got in big trouble when I was 4 for eating cookies during meeting.  (FYI to “go to meeting” is short-hand speak for attending a church service.)  I already wear sneakers and sit in the baby row at church – I’m not going to rock the boat by adding an eating/drinking infraction to the list.

It’s funny how the rules we grow up with stay with us as adults.  If I had a family I’m sure I’d make my children practice some of these behaviors, but I don’t so it’s up to my siblings to inform the next generation…Lemme know how that goes, guys :).   Example:   We grew up with a very healthy and serious respect for the Word of God.  I read an old storybook as a child that indicates this kind of respect was actually more common in America’s younger years, but regardless of the date, solicitousness for the leather-bound volume with the mix of black and red words in it was always (and emphatically) observed by our family.  Specifically, you never rested a Bible on the floor at our house.  To do so was unthinkable. And if you put your Bible on the coffee table thinking that was a safe place, think again.  The coffee table is also a common place for people to rest their feet, so we were very careful to put our Bibles on the far end of the table if we rested them there at all.

My sister told me once about a conversation she had with Hannah when she was just a baby.  They were rehearsing the “Meeting Rules,” and Hannah would lisp things like, “We use our inside voices to whisper during meeting,” but my favorite was, “We do not run away during meeting.”  Running away appeared to have been an issue.

There are also rules kids learn regardless of environment.  Think, “Stop, Drop & Roll” or “Don’t talk to strangers.”  Since it’s Monday morning and most of you are rushing off to work I’ve been thinking of the time I broke the “Don’t talk to strangers” rule when I first started working.  This story has also been referred to as the time “I gave a homeless man my umbrella but made him give it back,” (thanks, J :)) so I would like to elaborate further on the circumstances of that incident.

His name was Robert.  I used to ride the Metro to Farragut North before I started driving downtown, and Robert was there almost every morning, sitting in his wheelchair.  He was not panhandling or anything – he just sat in his chair and greeted the hoards of people stalking by with a very courteous “Good morning.”  At that time I was still adjusting from the freedom of my student/unemployed person’s schedule to having to show up in an office all day every day, and Robert’s morning greeting was a welcome salve in two little words.

He was so nice I broke the talking to strangers rule and we struck up a friendship.  He called me “Nina” and I went with it.  Pretty soon Mom would slip a bag of cookies or something into my purse and say “for Robert,” as she sent me out the door.  Other times I’d grab a banana for him.  When I gave him these things he’d thank me and slip them into the prosthetic leg that was unattached to him and just sitting by his wheelchair,  “Savin’ that for later, huh, Robert?” I’d say.

One day it was snowing and as I stepped off the escalator I immediately noticed that Robert was sitting in his usual spot, utterly exposed to the elements, greeting people in the same calm and kind voice.  “Robert, you don’t have an umbrella!” I observed lamely.  “Well now, no I don’t,” he observed mildly.  “Here, take mine,” I told him, and held out my umbrella in front of his face so he didn’t have much of a choice but to take it.

I had no idea then what being in a wheelchair was like, but anyone could see that to sit in a chair and get snowed on is an unpleasant experience.  If your chair is manual, you need both hands to “drive,” but if it’s stationary you can use one hand to hold an umbrella.  This appeared to be a good option to me since I had the freedom of hustling down K Street to my dry and warm office building, but Robert didn’t.

There was one hitch in my plan, though, so I told my dilemma to Robert.  I had already lost 2 umbrellas that week, and Mommy would NOT be pleased if I lost yet another, so I told Robert I needed this one back.  He readily consented, and the next time I saw him – it was a nice sunny day – he had the umbrella resting beside him and eagerly gave it back to me so I wouldn’t get in trouble.  Let the record show that I gave him a little travel umbrella I had purchased myself and was free to give away, in exchange.  Let the record also show that Robert kept his promise, and I respect that.

So as you head off to face a new work week I hope this story made you laugh.  Even if it didn’t let me take a page from Robert’s book and wish you a “Good morning!”

56. Expertise

Moving Day – September 7, 2009
I brought my finance textbooks from MD to OR but since I was pretending to be an expert that day I used them as a doorstop.

Soon after we came home I was lying in my bed downstairs with my legs in the air, talking to Mom.  I can’t remember why my feet were in the air – maybe I was stretching, or just enjoying the freedom to move my extremities while safely on my bed.  In retrospect I must have looked pretty funny but Mommy kept a straight face and I asked her, “Mom, would you consider it to be a miracle that I lived?”  At that point I was polling on the subject of my survival as part of my attempt to sort out my questions about God.  (Bottom line:  I am no longer interested in the subject of miraculousness since I now understand that it would have been really easy for God to let me die that day, but He didn’t.)  I then asked Mommy, “Can we pretend like nothing happened?”

Since Mommy is so nice she immediately consented to playing my game.  After a few weeks, though, I realized it wasn’t going to work after all since it involves so many people.  I told one of my college roommates this once and she was like, Really?  Because we could send an email out to everyone and take care of that.  I laughingly appreciated her willingness to intervene but now I’m in the “acceptance” phase of recovery so to quote Mrs. R, “It’s all good.”

I was grateful, however, that the ladies at Tea on Saturday pretended nothing was out of the ordinary about me sitting behind the piano that morning.  Actually, it was a nice keyboard that Sgirl’s mom, Mrs. B, brought.  It’s the kind that has keys sensitive to the pressure you apply when touching them so if you press a key harder the volume goes up.  This is normally a desirable trait in a keyboard but my tremor chose that morning to act up so the random loud notes were a little jarring for me.  I also lost my place badly a few times due to my Cookie Monster (googly) eyes, but the ladies kept on singing and EOHR kept on rolling along as the song leader.

The other reason Tea was a great place for me to try accompanying besides the bar being set really low was that EOHR was leading.  She did so with H in the Baby Bjorn (he was asleep by the end of Joy to the World) and G playing at her feet and occasionally twisting around the music stand to gaze curiously at me.  EOHR is an accomplished musician/singer so it takes very little effort (at least it appears that way) to song – lead or to roll with the punches with erratic piano playing.  So this was an ideal situation for me, and J sat nearby with M and C for moral support.

In any situation it’s always good to have this kind of expertise on your team.  In B-school there was a girl in our cohort we referred to as “Professor D.”  She was originally from Europe and was at Georgetown with us on a Fullbright.  When we did not understand something in class we asked Prof. D to explain it to us after.  When we had to split up into groups for projects I was glad to be able to snag Prof. D and other smarties including L (the one who stayed with me at the hospital when I first got sick) to be on my team.

When I moved on to Intel, I needed to go talk to different technical experts as part of my job (“I need you to speak slowly and use small words.”).  It was a little intimidating but I survived the process of learning enough to build financial models pertaining to data center connectivity, lithography etc. When I came home from Intel Summer Camp in 2008 I thought to myself how nice it would be to eventually become one of those technical experts and be the source of information instead of the information seeker.

Well, that’s probably never going to happen – I came to that conclusion pretty fast.  But I also considered that although being a technical expert like I encountered at work was out of my grasp, being well versed in spiritual things wasn’t.  I mean, it’s not like the scriptures are in limited distribution (at least here in America).  I only regretted that my little existence lacked “life experience,” but now I’m getting lots of experience with which to test my scriptural principles.  (They hold water, BTW.)  The fact that reading is an issue for me makes me so thankful for the free apps and online resources that let me hear audio versions of the Word at the click of a button or a tap on the screen.

Actually, most computers will read anything to you, and some (I’m not sure about Macs, but you could always use the Dragon app) allow you to speak and it will recognize it as text.  Another smartie friend, I, told me about this many moons ago.  He had hurt his wrists resulting from sledgehammer over usage at his in-laws’ vacation home and so wrote all his papers by “speaking” them into his computer.  Seriously – go find the accessibility options under “settings” and try it out.

54. “I like tea, and the ladies like me!”

Today is December 1, which means 2 things:  1) Ed will shed the pumpkin suit and 2) it’s time for the Ladies’ Christmas Tea!  Mommy hosted Tea at our house for 15 years.  The picture above is from J, who took it at the 2008 event.  Mommy has since retired, and now K hosts it at her lovely home.  Seriously, if she wasn’t a marketer you’d think she was a decorator.  My sister is also hosting a Ladies’ Christmas Tea at her house today.  She used to be a consultant but chose to wrangle my two children at home after having Hannah, and I think the stories that emerge from Mommydom are much funnier than anything corporate America could produce.

When Tea was still at Chez Tan I was working downtown.  One of my first bosses, S, tried to convince me that he should come to Tea.  “I like tea, and the ladies like me!” He argued.  I laughed heartily at his plea, but there was no budging on the girls-only nature of the event.

His attempt to come to Tea was unsuccessful, but he did succeed in getting me used to the corporate world.  This was my first job out of school and just the sound of the phone ringing gave me the shivers, which was unfortunate since my job as an administrative assistant required me to answer the phone.  There was also this horrible thing called “Phone Duty” which meant you manned the switchboard in the lobby for 30 minutes while Ms. R (the lovely receptionist) took a break.  One day on phone duty I panicked when somebody called with an obscure request but no name I could transfer him to.  I had no idea what to do so I called S.  “Give him to me,” S, said, and I was grateful that S took that call off my plate so readily.

I actually learned a lot by listening to S on the phone.  My desk was right outside his office at first, so I heard him on the phone all the time whereas B, another boss (who would eventually become my main manager) occupied the proverbial corner office which was down the hall so I didn’t hear him at all.  S is a born salesperson, and I am not.  I did try and sell handbags for a while, but I was always rather apologetic about trying to sell my bags or trying to buy purse parts (handles/toggles etc.) on the phone.  S deals with multi-million dollar buildings, not lowly purses, but he still started the selling process with the practice every new broker had to learn how to perform – the cold call.  I used to sit in my cube with one ear attending to what was happening in S’s office and marvel at the confident friendliness of his voice as he called a zillion people.  Given my horror of answering the phone I figured I should take a page from S’s book and not freak out so much.  By the time I moved closer to B’s office the phone was my friend and I trained others to do “Phone Duty” downstairs.

I asked S once why he hired me, seeing as I had zero knowledge of real estate.  B had to explain to me that “SF” stands for “square feet” on my first day.  My strongest memory of the interview process was that the first time I walked in to the reception area Ms. R asked me sweetly, “Do you need to go to the ladies’ room?”  This was her gentle way of telling me I needed to go fix my hair before my prospective employers saw me.  When I met S he explained what I’d need to do for his team, which consisted largely of helping them get their “books” (pretty investment profiles of the building(s) for sale) out the door.  I got to know the UPS man by the end of it, but during the interview I just listened to the requirements and was kind of like, Yeah, I can help you with that.

S told me it was my certainty that I could help with the books that made him cast his vote in my favor.  I guess there’s something to be said for confidence.  So as K and Ai Ai gear up for Christmas Tea-fest 2012, I just want to tell them – don’t worry, you can do it!

40. It’s so much better when…

 

Karine and Ezra and I did some “melty-bead” artwork on Monday.  You can see in the picture that I didn’t get very far.  I tried using only my left hand and tried my right, too.  Talk about fine motor skills!  It’s hard getting those beads to stand upright even if you’re unimpaired.  But Karine helped me and explained, “It’s easier for me to do it since my hands are smaller.”

In other fine motor skill news I’ve been practicing painting my nails for months now.  I never wore polish on my nails in my old life, but since I’m not typing all day anymore it lasts longer.  It also helps because cutting my nails is an extreme chore for me now (I use a baby clipper to help) and wearing polish helps me go longer without having to cut them.  If my nails are bare the growth drives me nuts so that I need to trim them twice a week.  And let’s be frank – I also think the polish is pretty.  Since I can’t wear rings right now I favor dark colors I would never have chosen a couple of years ago, but that I can’t get enough of these days.

Nail painting is difficult for me, especially when I have to hold the brush in my left hand and paint my right one.  This summer the brush would sometimes go flying across the counter because of my tremor, but I haven’t dropped it in a while, so that’s good.  I’m getting better, but let me just say that it’s so much nicer when J (my favorite Nail Tech) does it.  I’ll see her soon for a proper manicure, but in the meantime I’ll keep on schlepping the paint on, especially since Pool Therapy wreaks havoc on my nails (soaking in hot water for an hour is bad for polish, and they keep the Rehab Pool warmer than regular pools).

There are some things I just can’t replicate and that are inarguably superior when a highly skilled person does them.  Example:  PT6 used to stretch my left leg out when the pain got worse.  When my leg acts up I try to arrange my legs in that stretch with the left one extended backwards so I can feel better enough to fall asleep.  It was better when he did the stretching.

Another example:  My friend J from school used to send me texts every time she tried my Mom’s scone recipe.  It’s still a work in progress, I think.  I used to make those scones all the time in OR.  I added cocoa powder and made chocolate/strawberry/cranberry scones (with whole-wheat flour and buttermilk).  I was scared to grate the butter in like Mommy does, so I used my Ninja to chop the butter up into teeny tiny pieces.  I added a bit of the flour so it came out like how a piecrust does before you add the cold water.  I thought the Ninja was a good idea in that is saved me the anxiety of scraping my fingers, but when Mom would visit and leave scones in my freezer every reheated bite reminded me that it was definitely better when Baker Smurf made them.

I emailed a recipe for “trashy peppermint hot cocoa” to my sister while I was in OR and I specified that you had to stir it vigorously once the milk was hot and you had to make “that sound that Mom makes with the spoon.”  Ai Ai knew exactly what I was talking about.  I observe closely whenever Mom makes Tanpo a cup of Milo or Horlicks but I still can’t replicate the sound.  If you’d like to try making that stirring noise (use your imagination), here’s the recipe:

Trashy but Yummy Peppermint Hot Cocoa

1. Put a couple squares of good dark chocolate in a mug
2. Fill with milk – I like Trader Joe’s Unsweetened Vanilla Almond
3. Microwave until hot – ca. 2 minutes
4. Stir vigorously
5. Drop in a starlight mint.  (Stop laughing.  I’m serious about the mint.)
6. Stir some more
7. Enjoy!