Originally posted December 2012
I’ve had a nice day of rest but I’m going to go back to Therapy tomorrow because lying in bed is booooring and I’d prefer pretending everything is like it used to be. FYI this is what things used to look like:
I love Kpop in that video but I have to say it makes me a little sad. Not weepy or anything, just wistful. Meanwhile, I’m going to make myself feel better by sharing this pic. I dare you not to laugh. Goodnight!
Originally posted October 9, 2012. Note: “Uncle B ( C )” = Uncle Bus. His real name was Clarence. 🙂
It was such a beautiful day on Saturday I rolled my walker onto the grass and sat on it so I could watch my children ride their bikes, laugh at their antics and discuss how skillful they are with Mom, who stood next to me. I think both of them are excellent bikers. Karine just turned 6 and mastered the 2-wheeler she received for her birthday within a week. Ezra is 2 (3 in December) and loves the little foot-bike his parents got him. It’s a bike that’s low enough so that both feet can rest on the ground and propel the rider forward since there are no pedals. When going down a hill, however, there is enough momentum for Ezzie to lift his feet entirely, and he balances expertly as he rides out the incline, swerving around corners and enjoying the wind in his face until the bike is going slow enough for him to put his feet back down on the ground. The absence of pedals means the absence of brakes, and although Karine has brakes on her bike they both so used to riding in close proximity to one another that she rarely needs to use them – they just steer around each other and so maintain a constant speed.
The phrase “constant speed” has cracked me up for the past year and I have to share. Last November my friends the J’s came to stay with us while they were on furlough from working in Burundi. We had Sunday lunch at the Tans’ favorite Chinese place and as he sat down, JJ asked me to remind him who the two gentlemen at the other end of the table were. “Oh, that’s Uncle B(C) and Uncle B(W),” I said. Recognition immediately clicked on JJ’s face and no other introduction was needed since I had apparently filled the J’s in on these two Uncles while I was in Africa.
To clarify, they are technically not my Uncles – they are everyone’s Uncles, and since I have not had the opportunity to know my own grandpas, they do really well as stand-ins. It was Uncle B(W) who told me not to worry that I had completely run over those cement parking things in the chapel lot when I learned how to drive. “You can’t do any damage the snowplow can’t,” he assured me. And when Uncle B(C) found out I wanted to be a missionary he sent me an encouraging letter that reduced me to tears. But I digress.
A few minutes before everyone had arrived at the restaurant I was sitting at the table with Uncle B(C) and Uncle B(W), two of very few people Mommy would venture to leave me alone with in public. I have had hearing loss, but I could hear well enough to understand that Uncle B(C) was accusing Uncle B(W) of changing lanes 5x within the space of one city block when Uncle B(C) was trying to follow him to the restaurant. Uncle B(W) made no defense, nor any attempt to deny that such lane changing had occurred. The only explanation he offered was this: “I like to keep a constant speed.”
Another winner from Ezra’s soccer game
Let’s pretend I’m using my left hand, too. 🙂
As we left the Running Gym Monday I extended my right hand and said, “Hey, Daddy – High Five” bc I had had a reasonably good “run.” This was after a harrowing workout with Trainer D during which I’m pretty sure he was punishing me for something (could be any number of things), I cried, and I might have called him some names. (They just slipped out). A couple hours later as I walked to the front of the Running Gym to find Daddy this is what happened:
Me: Is it just me, R, or am I moving in slo mo?
Coach R: (observing pause) (…) Yeah, you kind of are. You’re kinda lateral, too.
Just another day in RecoveryLand!
Originally posted 10.22.14
A long time ago Ernie brought Karine and Ezra to visit us while Ruthie was away (this was before Peter was born). This was the time we ate ice cream and went to Whole Foods where I rode the escalator. Since then I’ve practiced a lot with Mommy, J, and Boo Boo. A couple weeks ago I had lunch with a two friends and their daughters. The little girl in the pic below wanted to ride the escalator while her mom and aunt were busy wrangling the baby, so I volunteered to go with her. We went up and down without incident except midway through I heard a whistling noise from above – Mommy had arrived just in time to see me joy riding alone. Technically, I was not alone – I was being supervised by a three year old. But she was too short for Mommy to see. Mmm hmm. My friends are so funny. They had refused to leave me unattended, but the moment I break loose Mommy shows up. :).
49. Did she really just say that?
Anyway, Ezra was eating noodles or something for dinner and after he took one bite he was so pleased that it tasted so good he leaned over, kneeling on his chair, extended his right hand in the air and said in the classic Ezzie-voice, Hey, Daddy – High five!!
This summer, Josh took one bite of his popiah and immediately left his chair to do a victory lap around the kitchen.
Way to go, Mommy –Baker Smurf doesn’t just bake.
The picture up top is one of my favorites of Hannah and Tanpo. We went to eat dim sum and my baby big girl Hannah enjoys culinary adventures. She loves eating fun things with Tanpo. One time before I got sick they sat side by side at a favorite restaurant, giving each other congratulatory high-fives on eating an appalling amount of lobster – stir fried “Thai style.”
While we were on vacation together this summer we went to a huge Asian buffet and I just heard her sweet voice ringing out from behind the pile of everyone’s dishes and plates, I love you, Grampo!!
See? I told you Tans train their young to eat the Tan Family way.
389. We are Tans
This one’s funny, guys – I promise. At least the first part is 🙂
💗Please pray for Mom Bjorlie as she prepares for surgery tomorrow/Friday! 💗
Before I learned how to walk I learned how to stall. When Dr. A6 Frankenstein told me to leave my walker behind and just hold on to his hands I was so scared I tried to buy some extra time by asking, “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” he answered (with great finality).
“Quite sure?” I pressed.
Yes he was sure. PS. He offered me his hands but I gripped his forearms instead. I tried the same trick on R8, who treated me sometimes at The Place. When I asked him the 2nd time (Quite sure?) he responded with, “I’m sure – are you sure?”
But he knew I was afraid so when it came down to it he told me kindly, You can put as much weight on me as you would on a walker.
Note: You’re not really supposed to lean in to a walker. R8 was one of the PTs who told me this. He was just trying to make me feel better.
I didn’t feel better but consoled myself by leaning heavily on both of his arms.
We’ve come a long way since those early days when PT was more of a contact sport since I was a greater fall risk. The guarding style has become looser as I’ve gotten better, which is not to say it’s not vigilant – I’m just given greater liberty since I can self-correct more often now.
Example: One day Coach R said we were going to do a side lunge walking sort of thing. So I eventually made my way to the yellow line on the floor that was supposed to be my guide, took both of the proffered hands and started to do my duty.
Uh oh. As I leaned to the right – not even my left/weaker side! – I felt my entire leg collapsing. We both braced, I avoided contact with the floor, and eventually got my feet under me so I could stand up. But it felt like we were there forever – arms locked, and me trying not to fall. Coach R has told me multiple times that it’s good that I have enough upper body strength to use him to stay upright.
Mmm hmm. I’m just saying that if I had been wearing the gait belt I only recently removed from my purse since no one lets me wear it anyway, that wouldn’t have happened. Yes, we would have had to enlist someone else to actually hold the belt, but the more the merrier, I say!
One morning I saw Trainer D and he had chosen (infuriatingly) to only speak Spanish. I took this as permission to ignore everything he said. He can communicate well enough in gestures so I was getting ready to do something and I told him I was nervous about keeping my balance.
He opened his arms wide, the ample spread indicating, I’m right here! What could possibly go wrong?
I looked at him with the arms open and the mouth smirking. I think he was holding a water bottle or something. That’s your ready stance?
My open doubt made him laugh bc of course he was planning on keeping things safe – he just likes to see my squirm first. So he moved closer to my side and then he forgot himself when he saw how appalling my form was on the first rep so he corrected me in English. Once we were speaking the same language I really grasped what he was saying and shifted my weight etc. appropriately.
Several months earlier on my first day back from OR and Boo Boo’s house we were at the same spot in the Gym except I was seated and was supposed to do a twisty balance thing with a medicine ball but Trainer D refused to let me wear my gait belt. Boo Boo was visiting and stood nearby.
Hey, D, I said, twisting to my left and trying not to fall off the bench, Remember that time I was glad to see you?
I’m happy to see you, too! He immediately replied.
[Me, out loud]: Yeah, so I think I might be over that now.
…[Laughing]…
[Me, internally]: Wow – you really walked right into that one, didn’t ya there, Buddy?
He laughed, I did not fall off the bench, and he provided a ton of evidence for Boo Boo that he is the cheerful, neuro nerdy, and Animal Muppet-ish person you read about here.
A friend and fellow AVMer recently told me her son had noted the return of her sarcasm as a true mark of recovery.
I must be really healthy.
Or maybe I’m just mean. You decide.
sent Nov 5, 2014
From: Me
To: Trainer D
Re: Progress Report: Upper Body Strength
3 years ago my OT taught me to put on pants bc I was strong enough to hover over my wheelchair while using one arm for support. This was a game changer. I was unable to dress independently prior to this. On Monday I pulled more than I weighed before my injury even though the machine was helping me. Thanks.
PS.
PPS. The Internet is slow at my house. This, as with everything else, is also clearly your fault.
The Reply:
From: Trainer D
To: Me
Proud am I, Grasshopper.
A long time ago Ernie brought Karine and Ezra to visit us while Ruthie was away (this was before Peter was born). This was the time we ate ice cream and went to Whole Foods where I rode the escalator. Since then I’ve practiced a lot with Mommy, J, and Boo Boo. A couple weeks ago I had lunch with a two friends and their daughters. The little girl in the pic below wanted to ride the escalator while her mom and aunt were busy wrangling the baby, so I volunteered to go with her. We went up and down without incident except midway through I heard a whistling noise from above – Mommy had arrived just in time to see me joy riding alone. Technically, I was not alone – I was being supervised by a three year old. But she was too short for Mommy to see. Mmm hmm. My friends are so funny. They had refused to leave me unattended, but the moment I break loose Mommy shows up. :).
49. Did she really just say that?
Anyway, Ezra was eating noodles or something for dinner and after he took one bite he was so pleased that it tasted so good he leaned over, kneeling on his chair, extended his right hand in the air and said in the classic Ezzie-voice, Hey, Daddy – High five!!
This summer, Josh took one bite of his popiah and immediately left his chair to do a victory lap around the kitchen.
Way to go, Mommy –Baker Smurf doesn’t just bake.
The picture up top is one of my favorites of Hannah and Tanpo. We went to eat dim sum and my baby big girl Hannah enjoys culinary adventures. She loves eating fun things with Tanpo. One time before I got sick they sat side by side at a favorite restaurant, giving each other congratulatory high-fives on eating an appalling amount of lobster – stir fried “Thai style.”
While we were on vacation together this summer we went to a huge Asian buffet and I just heard her sweet voice ringing out from behind the pile of everyone’s dishes and plates, I love you, Grampo!!
See? I told you Tans train their young to eat the Tan Family way.
389. We are Tans
Math Lesson – Josh is sitting in the laundry basket bc it was convenient.
Counting has not been one of my strengths since my injury. I used to count out loud before transferring out of my wheelchair so Mommy would know when to brace. One day after I fell into bed (Hannah used to say, tiiiiimber!) Mommy said we should work on my counting.
I don’t count out loud anymore but now instead of counting time for transfers I count other things like reps, steps, and the number of floors if I’m trying to find my way in a building. It doesn’t help when other people miscount or intentionally mislead me. Examples:
Me to Trainer D: You’re doin’ real good on the counting thing today. [Grin] I like to give positive feedback when I can.
[2 minutes pass]
Me: I take it back. You’re doing bad. That was NOT 26. That was 31. I just did an extra to humor you.
___________________
Me: How many squats?
Coach R: 100
Me [holding the medicine ball nervously and looking wide-eyed at our reflection in the mirror]: Like, all at once?
Coach R: Just kidding.
Me: You can’t do that sort of thing to me. I have a brain injury. You KNOW I was going to start the set.
Coach R (unrepentantly): I know.
____________________
In the elevator on my way to see CMD
Me to the UPS guy: What floor?
UPS guy: 3
Me [peering confusedly at the buttons to make sure I was seeing straight]: But there are only 2 floors.
UPS guy: Hahahaahahaha!!
It was very good-natured mirth and I had to laugh with him. I like cheerful people and he was making his day on the job more fun, and brightening mine, too. It’s like what I tell my people – I’m here to make your world a happier place.
I’m in a position to do that since I’ve gotten pretty adept (out of necessity) at counting my blessings.
382. Laughing at the Wrong Time
The bottom line, though, if someone asks me why in the world I should be cheering anyone else up is simple: I’m a daughter of The King.
At the Hillsboro Library before I got sick.
I’ve realized that although I thought I was pretty “with it” when we came home I actually blocked most of that first 6-12 months at home out. This is probably my brain’s own defense mechanism since as Mommy says, I don’t need to remember all that – I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed into my wheelchair, dress, use the restroom, or bathe by myself.
When I was discharged from RIO I told Mommy gleefully, Now we can do WHATEVER we want!!!
Yeah, no, that’s actually not what that means, she replied.
The first time I took a shower by myself I waited until she was on the phone long-distance and snuck in to the bathroom. I got in big trouble. But let the record show that I didn’t fall down!
If nothing happened, that makes it okay, right, M (my partner in crime)?
Last week I almost fell off a table at The Running Gym. Poor Coach R, after telling me to stay still and verifying that I was stable, had turned around for one second to get something for my leg and I shifted my weight unsuccessfully. (Yes, I almost fell and I was already lying down. Welcome to my world. PS. I think all the tables at the Running Gym are very narrow.)
I gasped but started laughing hysterically – Don’t worry! Nothing happened, R – this is COMPLETLEY under control.
Coach R: Don’t DO that!! My heart rate just skyrocketed.
Me (to the lady on the next table): I was just checking to see if he was paying attention.
Yeah, he was paying attention. Also, my right forearm has been acting up (Mommy says it’s bc I keep a death grip on my cane) so Leo has been on vacation. This, in combination with my better-but-still-wrapped ankle, makes Coach R nervous. So he pretended to be my assistive device for my entire session on Thursday. I guess the table incident didn’t boost his confidence. But I’m just saying he’s a lot nicer than, oooh, say…..M37. That’s right, M37 – I totally just said that out loud. Incidentally I saw M37 a couple weeks ago and as we walked to the front door I very gingerly put a forefinger out to balance myself.
I see you touching that wall, she said. Some things don’t change.
In other news, I recently managed to light a piece of toast on fire. It was a small piece of gluten free bread that slipped through the grill in the toaster oven when I had a motor skill malfunction with the chopsticks I was using to remove it from the machine. (See that, Boo Boo? They were wooden chopsticks.) Let the record show that it was a teeny tiny flame. I managed to rectify the situation without incident. More accurately stated, the flame extinguished itself while I wiggled around, hoping to block it from view. Don’t worry, nothing’s happening! I assured Mommy as I hastily bustled around that corner of the kitchen.
I then proceeded to fall into the laundry room closet that evening when I was practicing my ADL’s. I might have screamed a little. But I caught myself, or the clothes in the closet caught me, and I called out to Mommy, Don’t worry, I’m fine – but I stood still for a few minutes, eyes moving shiftily even though I was alone, waiting to hear her footsteps. Sure enough, she appeared within seconds to verify that I was indeed okay. I said nothing happened, I laughed when I saw her.
Mm hmm… Mommy is not overly convinced by my assurances. I guess she figured out pretty soon after we came home that I have a stubborn and sneaky streak I managed to keep under wraps for 30 years. Well, it’s all out in the open, now, and I thank the Lord that I have come to no harm considering the tricks I’ve pulled in RecoveryLand, and the magnitude of my deficits, even though I do my best to keep them on the DL.
Some of us like having our picture taken.
Some others…not so much.
Learning How... 