273. They’ll Keep

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Some friends from Intel’s Intern class  (08) used to gather for a meal and to share some laughs.  Intel’s Finance Group is a rotation program – you don’t pick your first role.  You accept the job and they place you  into a specific position.  All of us were on our first rotation – the one we didn’t pick.  These “first jobs” were often more process-related, e.g. budgeting, forecasting, closing the books etc., whereas many of us were looking forward to eventually securing “strategy” roles that offered a direct relationship with the product life cycle.

We had just spent a lot of time and money acquiring skills for these more strategic jobs, but due to the organization’s nature, we had to cut our teeth on process-oriented roles.  We understood this progression, but of course it’s hard to wait sometimes.  I used to tell people that although my role was process-to-the-MAX I really enjoyed it, was challenged by it, and as for the rest of my skills, I’d nod my head knowingly and say “They’ll keep.”

It’s been over 2 years, and my friends were just beginning to rotate into different jobs when I got sick, and they’ll likely have sought third roles by now.  I got a new role, too, and it’s going to be the most “strategic” one of my life.  And you know what?  My skills did indeed “keep” – although I’m not talking about my B-school ones.

This is actually a follow-up post to last week’s 268.  Prayer Detox for Beginners.  I wanted to tell you two things:

Prayer Detox | Ann Ning Learning How

1.  I’m not implying that if a person who has dementia or Alzheimer’s  says really “out-there” things that this is bc they failed to spiritually detoxify themselves earlier in life.  Actually, I’ve long felt that when a person loses control over their faculties later in life and says uncharacteristic things whereas they always spoke graciously before, it’s an indicator of how hard they worked to control their tongues when they had the capacity to do so.  The fact that my “trial run” at this went okay does not automatically make me confident for the future.  I’ll do what I can to purge the bad things now, as I’m able – but the future is unknown.

2.  I’ve only been doing the prayer detox for about a week, but I am THRILLED that I don’t have to rebuild from scratch.  I found that I blew through the timer I set, and then I used the stopwatch function on my phone and saw that my “baseline” was actually a reasonable chunk of time for me.  YAY!  I am so glad.  The picture above is from RIO (3rd Hospital).  Mommy didn’t mean to take a picture of me – she was just aiming at the pretty flowers from the H’s, – but there I am in the mirror.  I’m napping after a long day at therapy.  Or it could have been mid-day, I’m not sure.  That’s the thing – I’ve required a LOT of sleep over the past couple of years.

Like I said last week, I’m really happy to have felt pretty good over the last couple of weeks, apart from those yucky headaches.  I still feel the need for sleep, but am feeling good probably from the combination of 1) the natural healing process, 2) managing myself better, and 3) the herbs CMD has me on (PS.  My chi is so robust it’s not even funny [wink, wink]).  So I feel well enough to pray, and even though my most appalling Lumosity score is in the “attention” category, I figured I wouldn’t know  if I could focus enough to do this unless I tried, so I did.

And you know what?  My mind didn’t wander at all!  Okay, maybe a little, but I got back on track real quick.  And if you read this blog regularly (thank you!) you know that I have many things to say, so that’s not a problem.

Oh, and my garden kneeler from Amazon came in the mail and I gave it to Tanpo, who has been kneeling on his flip-flops for a lifetime.  It is painful for him to accept gifts from his children, but he accepted this from me, likely bc it was only $5 and it is a very serviceable gift for a great purpose.  Now that I know the time I’m logging in prayer I might not try to kneel anymore.  I sit on the folding chair I rest on while drying my hair and I’m doing pretty well.  I’m not sure that I wouldn’t hurt myself by kneeling for so many minutes.

If I’ve told you before that you’re on the Short List, don’t worry – I’ve been praying for you!  I’ll continue to do so as I move on to this next phase of recovery.  It has been good to take small steps toward progress in the area of prayer.  I have benefited from the discipline even when I was only able to handle small doses of it, and I’m confident that the Lord noticed even the smallest  efforts I was able to make.  This is an incremental sort of thing for me.

Oh, yeah – and you know how people  say, well, if you drink Xoz of water a day it’s going to flush your system out, or if you eat XYZ kind of diet you’ll feel AMAZING?  Been there, done that, and I do not feel amazing.  Grrr….  But I am so excited to say that the prayer detox HAS made me feel great!  I feel like my insides are getting cleaned out.

Now, I try not to let my feelings guide me, but since this one is  grounded in sound principles, I’m thrilled.  You can see from the tenor of my writing over the past year that I generally put a brave face on things, and am an upbeat person.  I will remind myself what the scriptures say about my situation often.  But the prayer detox makes it less of an effort.  The heavy-lifting quotient has declined dramatically.  Yes, of course, I still have sad moments, but I’m just so pleased to have this ability “restored” to me, largely intact.

For the past couple of years I’ve had major concerns I wanted to pray about but as my brain wasn’t ready to make a concerted effort of it I’d end up turning it over in my mind involuntarily at night.  You know, when your mind is racing but you’re supposed to be sleeping?  It is such a relief to get all my worries out of my system now.  I sleep better, BTW, so it’s an all-around good thing for my life.

Another “good thing” is all the prayer support you have given me since I got sick.  Although I am no longer in the “critical” stage, please keep praying!  As I recover and calibrate so that I’m learning how to live long-term in this body, I need all the prayers I can get.  I’ve finally updated my prayer requests, and you can find them here.

I’ve also updated  What Country are you From?  I’ve had to Google some of the places you live.  My geography has always been lackluster.  (Sorry, Mom.)  Thank you for reading!

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2 thoughts on “273. They’ll Keep

  1. Ning, I needed this because my overactive brain has been doing the “wake up in the middle of the night and mull things over when I should be sleeping” thing on and off for a few weeks. Realized I haven’t been “abiding” (John 15) as I could and should be. Re-read that chapter today and was so blessed by it. John 15:9 says, “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.” Oh to hang on to that!

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