I woke up at 1.51 am Monday morning scared. This is not uncommon in RecoveryLand. Sometimes my dreams are troubling and you can trace the subconscious anxieties that are manifesting themselves in weird dream scenarios and the wet patches on my pillow, marked with two little horizontal black slits indicating that I failed to remove my eye make up completely. Again. But last night it wasn’t subconscious anxiety it was overt uncertainty about what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. I have gone on the record about why I do this, and how it’s been a calculated move I’ve been planning before I was physically able to do anything about it, but I still suffer from the grip of fear – I am predisposed to this kind of struggle, which is why I write stuff like How to Fight the Good Fight. I learned these techniques in my Old Life and they are serving me well now – and I’m finding it so helpful to have them documented on my blog for my own reference.
Well, the verse the Lord brought to my mind was 2 Timothy 1.7 (above), and I remembered that I’m not ruled by a spirit of fear, but even though my brain got seriously messed up physical things like that are of no import to God and He has given me a spirit of power, love, and of a sound mind.
When I recalled this verse and repeated it in my mind I smiled and felt the relief wash over my body. It still took another couple of hours to fall asleep, though.
I evaded Tanpo’s inquiries re. the quality of my rest and went to the Gyms with Mommy to see Trainer D and Coach R. The TV in front of the AlterG has been showing lots of Veterans Day commercials lately – haircuts at Sport Clips, a Grand Slam at Denny’s – good stuff! But the commercial that really caught my attention was not a Veterans Day spot – it was the Marine Corp’s new campaign that shows shots of the USMC doing relief work in conflict zones (I think). At the end the words flash on the screen: Which way would you run? I am honored to know many members of the Armed Services, many of whom have seen combat. The consensus is that war changes you. There is no way you’ll come out on the other side the same. Sometimes service men and women come home with broken bodies. Sometimes they carry wounds other people can’t see. Many times they must learn to live with both.
The learning to live part is tough, I gather, since there are so many reasons to be afraid that the general population can’t relate to. Even if the physical threat has passed, fear can live on. So today (every day, but especially today), thank you for your service.
Fear is the major reason I wrote Ed Goes to DC. When I lost my job and Ernie gave me that Pep Talk he suggested I write children’s books. So I cranked this one out chop chop and roped my friends into taking the pictures around DC. It is an excellent way to introduce the ideas of illness, hospitalization, friendship, and cheerfulness to children, plus it’s just a really sweet story. (That’s what people say – even if their kids don’t have ill people in their lives, they just like Ed Blueberry. And really – what’s not to love?) As of last night, it’s $8.74 on Amazon. It’s all nonprofit. Use Amazon Prime or Super Saver shipping. Thank you for your support!
PS. This is the YouTube version (click on the picture): 3:37, Music: Stars and Stripes forever…