352. Ed says, “Well that backfired, didn’t it?”

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I’m getting kicked out of Therapy. It’s Trainer D’s fault. I did clarify that “I BLAME YOU” = Thank you,” but this is too important for me to say in any other way than code except this once. That moment has passed and I’m back to feeling happier when I hold him personally responsible for this.

I’ve not been discharged yet. I’m downgraded to 1x/week, and then 2x/month after March, with discharge as the end goal. In Q4 ’13 I told my PT I’d need as much notice as possible pre-separation. At that point her answer was You stay here as long as I say so. And I say so. I’ve avoided writing about PT in order to protect the identities of the innocent – but let me assure you that there is a LOT of laughing and the whole crew produces oodles of entertainment.

Trainer D is also highly entertaining and I have no hesitation when writing about it since he generously gave me free reign here. The reason I know this is his fault is because I actually felt a difference after ~3 months of training. No other variable has changed in my Recovery. This is an example of sensitivity analysis. If you build a model and are considering the impact of a cheaper supplier or a more expensive marketing firm you change one variable at a time. The extent to which your bottom line shifts is traceable to that specific variable.

87.  No Modeling in Public

87. No Modeling in Public

I walked into Rehab one day and my PT called from across the room, You look really good.

So I put Leo the cane down and asked her to watch me for real. K (the Speech Therapist) passed by and saw a difference, too.

Notably, the gait deteriorates with fatigue. I saw M37 that weekend right after church so my walking wasn’t looking that great. Overall, my score on the walking scale is still only a 5-6. I asked R (I’ll introduce you formally tomorrow) last week. It looks like I’ve had a hip replacement or something (per my request this was accompanied by a hysterically apt imitation) but it would be hard to notice if just passing me in public. I’ll take a 5-6. That’s better than the (low) 2-3 C gave me when she did my Planet Rehab eval.

117.  AVM Metrics

117. AVM Metrics

My PT also treated Mommy last year. Helping Baker Smurf is enough to secure my loyalty, but our PT has exceeded my personal expectations. She told Mommy upon discharge, …we’re going to take care of your daughter. Accordingly, she has interrogated me regarding my regimen. When I told her I ran she said, WHO WATCHED YOU? (Subtext: I need names.) So she’s added more accountability to RecoveryLand, where parental vigilance already demands that the people I work with be top notch. (Side note: I originally took the title picture of Ed for a post on transitioning from Physical Therapy to Personal Training. I now understand that Trainer D is not representative of the general Training population, so that post would likely not be helpful. I blame him for this, too.)

CMD also provides accountability, noting changes in the way my body is acting and charging me to make sure other people are watching too. When I met him at the Running Gym R asked me how I like acupuncture. Love it, I answered. She keeps me on a real short leash.

I tried to explain why this is a big deal to Trainer D but he has exhibited zero remorse. ARGH. “Absolutely terrifying” = unambiguous language!! Rehabilitation is the only thing I’ve known since I woke up. There. I said it.

So now I’m facing the prospect of being truly cut loose. I anticipated this, which is why I joined the Gym in the first place. But I didn’t realize it would actually hasten it. Oy. That plan backfired, didn’t it?

298.  Somebody - PLEASE just tell me what to do.

298. Somebody – PLEASE just tell me what to do.

So the way I’ve decided to console myself is to learn how to run, I told Trainer D. And you’re going to help me.

We’re picking up where M37 left off when I had to leave Planet Rehab (sniff) and pursuing Operation Run Forrest Run (ORFR) aggressively. I asked him to think about what he’d be comfortable with (there are no harnesses hanging from the ceiling at The Gym, a non-(neurological) rehab environment)– how I have no interest in creating a liability sort of situation, etc. But his indication of complete comfort with any and all running scenarios was so instantaneously enthusiastic I was like,

Erm…I guess this is the part where I trust you. But we’re going to have to work up to that.

I don’t know if M37 is familiar with the concept of “working up” to something. The second day I saw her she told me we were running, and after she saw me run (it was more like fast shuffling) once in a harness she dispensed with it entirely on land and just stood behind me, holding my belt, when on the treadmill. (Then I favored the Zero G so I wouldn’t elbow her in the stomach.) Confidence begets confidence. She didn’t hesitate so neither did I.

I guess I’m more nervous in a non-rehab environment. That’s why I found the Running Gym and recruited R to help. There are no harnesses there, either, but it’s a sports-rehab sort of place and I can tell R knows what he’s about. So I’m working on running with him every week but I’ll also work on the same type of movements in a “real life” environment at The Gym with Trainer D. So far he’s easing me into treadmill usage in a non-scary way, which is good. This is still in the very early stages so I’m not sure how this is going to pan out, but I’m sure I’ve enlisted the right kind of assistance.

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284. Outlier 2.0

Outlier 2.0 | Ann Ning Learning How

I joined a gym yesterday. Not kidding. Me. Myself. And I. Joined a gym. I have never done this sort of thing, EVER. I mean, I went to the “The Gym” this summer, but it’s really a private Physical Therapy practice, so although I thought I was there to book some time on the Alter-G like other customers, I ended up getting a chart and everything. They kept tabs on me so I didn’t get over-excited. Now I’m trying out (there’s a 2-week free trial period) a regular gym that’s next to N1’s office. Tanpo took me to visit today – I walked in with questions and walked out with a membership.

It helps that “The Gym,” let’s call it, is very close to home, and the facility and people are really nice. But the clincher for me was that they exhibited zero hesitation when I asked if the personal trainers there would be willing and able to take on a situation like mine. They have trainers on staff with rehabilitation backgrounds and at least one with neuro experience, and they were confident they could help me get where I want to be.

Confidence begets confidence. I was like, sign me up!

I’m at the point where I’m transitioning (at least mentally) to a non-therapy driven recovery. I mean, my Therapy Vacation is over, and I’m back at speech and PT 3x/week, plus there’s acupuncture, but I’m beginning to be willing (good thing, bc I’m also required) to pay for more things out of pocket. I have progressed beyond the point of critical illness and subsequent stabilization. This is shaping up to be a lifelong sort of scenario. As one of my doctors told me last week, after a while he tells patients this is what you have to plan for.

After he made that statement the nurse took my blood pressure and it was super high. It was high before the appointment, too because I was kind of stressed last week (I ended up with 5 medical visits, whereas I had only been planning on 3), but the idea of having to plan on this for life, sent me through the roof.

So I did what any normal person would do – I came home and made a PowerPoint slide. JK, normal people don’t do that kind of thing – it’s just me. Actually, I made the graph in excel first. I polled the peeps at church at midweek meeting on the name of the correct equation to use (thanks, guys!) and then I Googled the correct Excel function. FYI: logarithm = LN(x).

60.  "It's okay if the answer's 'No.'"

60. “It’s okay if the answer’s ‘No.'”

My old graph was still probably overly optimistic – the obviously upward recovery is characteristic of ~your first year after injury (or so people tell me). So now I’m going with the “Outlier 2.0” version of the graph. It shows the level of recovery as a function of time. As time progresses, recovery slows. A lot. Probably more than my graph shows, but I’m doing what I can here.

Yeah, well, I’m not into this whole slowing down thing, even though it’s how the cookie crumbles in situations like mine. Yes, it’s true that my recovery has slowed, but I still want to be an outlier on the graph, and I’m going to do things like try out The Gym and getting a personal trainer to help me take my next steps.