He cares

Please pray that God will give me courage today πŸ’—| During a terrifying storm the Disciples woke up the Lord Jesus, who was *asleep* and they were like, DON’T YOU CARE [We are all gonna DIE?!?!]. The Lord Jesus challenged their faith and calmed the storm, leaving the disciples even MORE terrified 😳 bc β€œ what manner of man is this? Even the sea and waves obey Him” 😳. Later, Peter would reassure his readers, β€œHe cares for you.” Craig pointed this progression in faith out recently. (Thanks, Craig!!) I asked Daddy to read me Mark 4 in the hospital 😒. And I just thought to myself, He cares. He cares. It is a HUGE faith challenge to believe He cares for you when your circumstances are bad. And then they get WORSE. And THEN they get IMPOSSIBLE πŸ˜‘. However, this is the pattern of how God does things as outlined in the scriptures. But, while God asks for our faith, He also makes room for our fear, doubt, and grief – and reminds us that definitive proof of His love and power is at the cross AND the empty tomb. Having survived many bad/scary things, it is difficult to hope. This is characteristic of Trauma Brain πŸ˜‘. If you know what I’m talking about I encourage you to simply keep the upwards convo going. Or start it, if you need to πŸ’—. I started knitting to strengthen my mind and hands so I can learn Cued Speech and ASL. This is for my friend who survived *2* AVMs, and is now fighting breast cancer. Burgundy = AVM awareness, Pink = Breast Cancer awareness #avmsurvivor #strokesurvivor #lifeismysport #learninghowtolive #shreddedgrace

Communicating…

The first person to get up in my grill in the hospital was a lovely CNA – J 2nd Hospital. I was just waking up and not producing speech. As she tucked me in for the night she bent her knees and got in my face. β€œI’m clipping your call button to the blanket near your hand. If you need anything, press the button. CAN YOU DO THAT? EVEN IF I DON’T HEAR ANYTHING, I will come help you.” πŸ˜’πŸ’—πŸ˜’πŸ’—. She made it a point to tell me my needs were important although I could not talk. Nights were hardest. I’m glad she worked the night shift. I will never forget her kindness. Mr. D @hyltonjules brought me this Daily Light in the 2nd hospital. I remember his visit clearly and have treasured this book ever since. πŸ’— #avmsurvivor #strokesurvivor #lifeismysport #learninghowtolive #shreddedgrace

Mask Bracket 😷

If you have any breathing concerns, I recommend a mask bracket! I’m grateful to be able to start moving again in a safe environment.

Thank you, @powherchiro – I can feel the right thing is happening. I just fuss for entertainment value. @sdpphotostudio πŸ˜‘ it’s basically impossible for me to come up with a sassy retort re. Stride length with a hurdler. P.S. I wear a mask bracket to help me breathe when exercising. It helps me not stress about my smushy 🫁 situation, which is minor, but makes me nervous sometimes bc it feels like I’m not gonna get enough air. But there’s always enough if I breathe like @dmurg433 says πŸ˜‘. #avmsurvivor #strokesurvivor #lifeismysport #learninghowtolive #shreddedgrace

Ringing in the New Year

Some incredibly special visitors helped us ring in the new year πŸ’— we are so grateful for dear friends who find safe and sweet ways to celebrate with us during this Pandemic. And we pray for the patients who must be alone in the hospital or nursing home πŸ’— and the healthcare workers who care for them. Xxxooo Thank you πŸ’—πŸ’—

Xoxoxo, Daddy πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ™Œ

Look at Daddy! His R hand is raised in the Tan Family gesture sigynifying “xoxoxoxo” !! Praise God, my Daddy’s gait has really gotten stronger in the past few weeks. And his overall stance and demeanor is becoming more and more familiar – like his brain isn’t having to concentrate so much on walking, etc. he has time to make xoxoxo noises and gestures. ROTFLOL. PTL for a dad like this. He has been experiencing a bit of joint discomfort. We figure his body is compensating and he’s feelin’ it. MEANWHILE, I am continuing to progress @powherchiro and am enjoying this season of rebuilding. I can hear today (kind of), I can walk today (kind of), and I am learning so many interesting things. #avmsurvivor #strokesurvivor #lifeismysport #learninghowtolive #shreddedgrace

Bossy Smurf LIVES

I have always been Bossy Smurf, I just wasn’t as frank about it before TBI. I had an AVM rupture and massive stroke in 2011. I had JUST decided to move to Burundi as a missionary. I am now disabled. God preserved my cognition so I could decide whether or not to keep believing the claims of Christ. I started losing hearing in 2018. I’m now deaf on the L and my R is changing. I have been extensively tested by the best. There is zero explanation as to why this is happening now. But I am rallying my Bossy Smurf resources to prepare. When I felt called to Africa I prepared aggressively. There was a 6 mo. silent phase when I only communicated with God. And then I cultivated cross-cultural service skills. It was HILARIOUS. I didn’t say I was great at it, I said I intended to learn 🀣🀣🀣. But as my world gets quieter I remember that when I saw the hills of Africa for the first time my πŸ’— skipped a beat. And when @jjburundi met me at customs with a verbal hurricane of Kirundi/French for the agents I realized the first thing I needed to do was accept that I would not understand everything. And all the skills I learned to make a decision to leave my comfortable life I use daily to figure out how to live in the present. The Disabled Community welcomed me in 2011 and showed me the ropes. Prior to illness God also ensured that I was trained professionally and personally to communicate ideas, and I’ve grown into my role in these 9+ years. And now I’m preparing to enter yet another new phase. Trainer David told me in 2014 at a significant Decision Point when I had a lot on the line in This Disabled Life, **There’s an open door in front of you. You HAVE to step through it.** Right now I’m facing another open door that was nowhere in the original game plan. But I won’t be pushed through this portal, I’m stepping over the threshold and am grateful that I’m not doing this alone. M’s surgery was a success!! Pls pray for Rapid recovery, strong healing, and pain relief πŸ’— @powherchiro is getting my body parts ready to pursue mobility again πŸ”₯ thank you!! #shreddedgrace #lifeismysport #learninghowtolive #hardofhearing #deaf #avmsurvivor #strokesurvivor

Unrestricted Logos

I am transitioning successfully with my hearing. Or so I flatter myself 🀣🀣🀣. I am adjusting to handling a lot of extraneous noise and accepting the absence of certain sounds. I’m stretching my vision and motor skills to Cue and Sign. It’s SLOW. You can hear the synapses in my 🧠 trying to fire. But I celebrate my ability to hear TODAY by listening to @dwellbible (I bought a lifetime membership and need 3 years of useable hearing to breakeven 🀣). There are many free audio Bible resources, but Dwell is so easy to use and you can choose the voices! My favorite is Felix – he’s African. And lately I’m LOVING listening to Spanish and French praise music. It’s really helping me open myself to the unrestricted nature of the πŸ’—LOGOSπŸ’—. *** Special Request*** please pause right now and pray for M and his family. Surgery is tomorrow. Pray for healing and strength for all! Thanks so much. #avmsurvivor #strokesurvivor #lifeismysport #learninghowtolive #shreddedgrace #deaf #hardofhearing

Praise: back to basics

I was allowed to hold ONE of Andy Frankenstein’s fingers – with a very light grasp – when he taught me to walk. And then he took that one point of contact away and said, “Just PRETEND” you’re holding my hand. Me: πŸ˜‘ Mmmm hmm. It’s been 9+ years and I STILL use that trick. Just last week I was having trouble so I stuck my right hand out with that delicate teacup grip and said, *I’m holding Andy’s hand, I’m holding Andy’s hand.* It’s time to go back to basics. PRAISE: my pelvic pain is GONE and I’m rebuilding core and cardio strength. THANK YOU, @powherchiro !! I think my body is getting the care I’ve needed since early 2019, but I was dealing with too many things. My lovely neurologist will be pleased. I have new parameters and it’s no wonder that I’ve lost a ton of physical and social confidence. So it’s back to basics. And Dr. Cheryl and her intern, K, made me feel comfortable. I might not be saying everything out loud, but THANK GOD for professionals who have the EQ to know when you need an accommodation or just some assurance. And then Super Dre bosses me around. My balance is better at the moment. 3 weeks ago I was getting stuck on the stairs. Now I’m able to “recruit my neural system” more effectively like Trainer D says. @powerchiro knows I’m not hearing everything – it has been a GREAT experience for me to learn how to function like this in public, and for me to see how people respond to me. Last week Super Dre devised a COMPLETELY NONVERBAL set of hand and lower extremity gestures to signal to me while I was in the @alterginc that my left foot was NOT doing what he said to do. πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‘. #avmsurvivor #strokesurvivor #lifeismysport #learninghowtolive #shreddedgrace