Today is another snow day! I had a new doc appointment this morning but Daddy and I made a U turn and came home after realizing the snow was more significant than expected and seeing some cars stalled out by the side of the road. I cancelled my massage with Gen (sniff). Too bad, bc I’ve been hurting pretty badly. But the great thing is that Trainer D worked on my left hip for an hour yesterday and it feels so much better. He said some stuff about my IT band, something about my TFL, and a lot of other stuff I can’t remember, but the bottom line is that I’m officially quad dominant. (Side note: Oh, yeah – at one point I was wincing in pain and he just remarked, This isn’t my fault.) When he refers to being quad dominant it’s like he’s saying, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have two heads. Trainer D is SUCH a stickler when it comes to form. But he’s going to put his thinking cap on and think about how to fix this bc he knows my main priority has been not to fall down, and if I have used my quads disproportionally to do so….well, that’s how the cookie crumbles. It’s no secret that my body parts move in a suboptimal way, and I haven’t cared a lot until now – but if it’s going to impact my future mobility I will try to adjust things. Meanwhile, the hip relief meant I “ran” better that afternoon (Coach R thought I went longer than usual) and my gait is much improved today.
So now I want to go drink some hot chocolate with marshmallows and enjoy the rest of the day and hope everything clears up well enough so my plans to go see CMD in the morning are undisrupted. Technically my cortisol levels and I are still on vacation, but I’m just popping in with a special prayer request:
Please pray for Mom Bjorlie (Ruth’s Mom). She has heart condition that really flared up a few days ago and the verdict is that she needs a valve replacement. She is currently hospitalized, and they’ll schedule the surgery asap. She has had the flu but is feeling better today (YAY!) so surgery will likely be scheduled this week. While you’re at it, please pray for the whole family. Thanks :).
If you recall, my brother Ernie (as in EnR) has a heart condition and required 2 open heart surgeries – one when he was 6, and one when he was 13. I was not the first person to get sick in my family. Now he’s grown up and he and Ruthie have 3 kids who give them a run for their money :). Mrs. Bjorlie raised 9 kids, so the woman obviously has stamina, but please pray all the same.
One more thing – I’m sharing this post bc it concerns Ernie’s second heart surgery, the one when he was 13, and the one I was actually around for. The Lord led my parents to a surgeon in Birmingham, Alabama and it makes me so sad to think of how they, and especially my brother, prepared to fly south to get this done, and then did it again when it was apparent the valve Ernie received as a 6 year old was wearing out and he was losing steam. Happily, he is doing GREAT now and you’d never know what happened when he was a kid unless he told you. I love this post (disclosure: it always makes me cry, so it might do the same to you.) bc it boils down all of Dad’s fatherly wisdom to this: Don’t be afraid.
322. Don’t Be Afraid
A few weeks ago I went downtown with my friends to see the Nat’l Christmas Tree. It was the first time I have gone out with friends at night and since there was a lot of walking we brought Jack the Transport Chair. It worked out great because my friends know I’ve got a safe place to be, I get to rest, and they park my chair with the strollers so their children can entertain me during breaks. Wheelchair handling is not a skill any of my friends practice professionally, but they do what I do and learn on the fly. The results are often hilarious given our personalities.
Ed says, “Does this thing go any faster?…”
Example: we were crossing a busy intersection and as we plowed through the crosswalk KAR (my driver) called to me over the din of traffic, “Don’t be afraid, Ning!”
I guess you have to know KAR – but many of you do – and imagine it in her voice, which makes it 10x funnier. It was also funny bc I was obviously not afraid. I was hanging on to Jack’s arm because I was laughing so hard and didn’t want to fall out, and I took a few pics on my phone while we were in motion.
But KAR’s admonition made me recall a more serious time. I was only 5 years old and my brother Ernie was 13. He was going to have his 2nd heart surgery (he had his first when he was 5 or 6, PS he’s very fit now – good thing, bc his children require high-energy interaction), and was older and able to absorb and be concerned about the risks of the procedure, blood transfusions, etc. I have no idea how he and my parents handled it. I’ve actually never discussed it with Boo Boo – I wonder if she fully understood what was going on. Anyway, I was only 5 but Tanpo’s parting words to Ernie as the team wheeled him down the hall are seared in my memory. Ernie went straight from his room to the OR and after his bed passed through the doorway and he was rolling away my dad stepped into the hall, cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Don’t be afraid, Ernie!”
I think Dad also quoted a verse from a Psalm we had just read but I don’t remember that part. All I recall is that what Daddy wanted Ernie to remember was to not be afraid. (Sniff.)
I haven’t been feeling great lately. I’ve had more pain, I’ve wanted to sleep a lot, and I’ve lost my appetite. That’s why I haven’t posted any recipes in a while – I don’t want to eat and I haven’t been able to stand up to cook. I’m feeling better today, though! CMD poked me in the back yesterday and gave me some new herbs. So I think this is the upswing.
Last week I was in the kitchen and Mommy was talking to me about why I wasn’t feeling well. “Are you anxious about something?” she asked.
I was playing with the food on my plate but when she asked this I burst into tears. (There was no prologue – just WAH!!!)
Remember how I said in yesterday’s post that I’m “strangely more relaxed?” Well, that’s probably about 80-90% of the time. I’ve had plenty of time to think about this and I know that control doesn’t lie with me, so the pressure’s off. But I’m wired to like it when I can control things so this exercise (of Recovery) really goes against the grain. I’m not interested in the suppression of my feelings – yes, suppression can allow me to be functional, but it won’t be sustainable in the long run – I’m going for complete transformation so I don’t have to worry about them anymore.
310. Mucho Trabajo
Apparently the execution phase of my plan is not rock-solid as yet. It’s like when I mentioned how I want this to be “effortless” – Caution: This is a work zone. Psychosomatic symptoms have likely been building up for several weeks now. As my books have finally been published etc. I’ve been glad bc this is what I’ve been aiming for but this event also signifies that this thing really happened to me – my old life is gone and so are what were my future prospects.
I mean, yes – I know this happened – I’ve been sure about it since summer 2011, but acceptance and the understanding of long-term impact is a work-in-progress. Traveling and the development of new wrinkles in my physical condition have also put me more off-balance than usual. But I know what to do about this – renewed enthusiasm for the Listener’s QT and Prayer Detox is already providing immediate relief. Like the lady in Proverbs 31, I want to smile at the future.
268. Prayer Detox for Beginners
143. The Listener’s QT
Proverbs 31.25 “Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.” (NASB)
2 Timothy 1.7 “For God hath not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind.” (KJV)