472. Thy Rod and Thy Staff

Dec 2013.  Tanpo and I at the bank getting LHC set up.  I like to take selfies when he's not looking and send them to Mommy.

Dec 2013. Tanpo and I at the bank getting LHC set up. I like to take selfies when he’s not looking and send them to Mommy.

One of my favorite posts ever is the one when I explain how naughty I was when I woke up and would say anything to delay my parents’ departure for the night. One time I was like, Daddy, tell me that thing again about ‘Emmanuel, God with us.’”

18.  Dad, Tell me that thing again...

18. Dad, Tell me that thing again…

Heh heh. That’s right. I totally leveraged poor Daddy’s devotional thoughts as a stalling technique.

But I wasn’t always stalling.   Sometimes I had honest questions or requests, like when I asked him to read Mark 4 to me.

123.  Don't You Care?  | This was the first time I heard myself play the piano (I’m still sitting at the keyboard) and I heard what I sounded like.

123. Don’t You Care? | This was the first time I heard myself play the piano (I’m still sitting at the keyboard) and I heard what I sounded like.

I continued asking things when I came home and was trying to decide whether or not I could still believe the Gospel. For a while I thought of difficult theological questions and would ask Dad about them just to see what he’d say.

Side note: A friend pointed out to me recently that the fact that I have a Dad who is in a position to answer hard questions and, in fact, welcomes them, is something to be truly thankful for. And I am.

It was the non-theological questions that I stopped bringing to him. In the hospital when I was going through my “quiz” reality-testing phase I’d ask people all sorts of things about the logistics of the past month+ (when I had supposedly been asleep), things like, Hey, Mommy – what was in my fridge/cupboard? What kind of shower curtain do I have? Hmmmm?

So one day I said, Daddy, how did you get into my apartment?

Poor Tanpo looked immediately stressed out and said feebly, Mommy?

I saw his distress and was immediately like, Don’t worry, Daddy, never mind. And I subjected only Mommy to quiz time after that. I gave Daddy a hard time in other ways.

But one night in Vibra (the 2nd hospital) I didn’t ask any questions. But Daddy saw that I was scared so he pulled a chair up to my bedside and talked to me about Psalm 23. …Thy rod and thy staff – they comfort me…he quoted.

I had just begun to wake up and was terrified and uncomfortable. Dad told me, The shepherd’s rod and staff signify the Lord’s power and authority…Don’t be afraid, Sweetie.


That night I was so terribly cold but unable to use my voice to tell anyone and lacked the motor skills to find and click the call button for help. So I would just lie there in my bed and try to use the pillow that had been wedged under my weird left shoulder to try and get warm. But I wasn’t truly comfortable until I had a dream that I was snuggled up under a blanket knit with Psalm 23 on it.

As the weather has been so cold lately I have remembered this instinctive desire to curl up under my fluffy comforter and be warm. It’s also my instinct to retreat from the world as my Recovery becomes more and more public. But it’s too late for that – I chose this lifestyle with my eyes open, and I love it even though sometimes I still get scared. When I do, the Comforter, who brings all things to remembrance, assures me that His power and authority rule everything – so I’m going to be just fine.

But the Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

 John 14.26

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6 thoughts on “472. Thy Rod and Thy Staff

  1. I sooooo need to catch up here on your blog (perhaps you noticed I’ve been MIA lately) but wanted to tell you that I read this one and need to comment:
    (1) the selfie up top is priceless
    (2) when Little Miss sees a photo of people hugging, like for example Corduroy and his friend Lisa, she often indicates to me that she wants me to wrap one of her little blankets around her. Somehow she intuitively understood the expression “like a warm blanket!”

  2. Hi N, This was truly exciting to read about how open you are to the world as a written letter for all to read. I am so thankful to the Lord for you, as you share you were scared and sometimes even now as I’v been very anxious the past few months over nothing, just like the Bible says be anxious for nothing,…But I was scared about somethings. Thank you for sharing what your daddy gave you for this was also my answer. N you are the biggest encouragement our assembly and everyone who reads your site has. For you have been to death and back and I’m so glad you share cause you are helping so many of us. God bless and keep up the good work as we keep praying for you. xoxo Mrs.R

  3. Thanks for this post, Ning. It’s interesting/amazing that you remember so clearly Dad’s words at your bedside that particular day, especially considering you were just waking up. Xoxos!

  4. Not for the first time your Dad’s words bring blessing. Peeking in on that moment between a father and daughter I am so touched by what I see: — not giving into fears or worries– He simply shares a Truth he knows to be unshakable. It is what a parent can do when that walk with Christ is real for him. And thus, he gives real help and hope. Thanks for letting us see that truly beautiful moment.

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