One of my favorite posts ever is the one when I explain how naughty I was when I woke up and would say anything to delay my parents’ departure for the night. One time I was like, Daddy, tell me that thing again about ‘Emmanuel, God with us.’”
Heh heh. That’s right. I totally leveraged poor Daddy’s devotional thoughts as a stalling technique.
But I wasn’t always stalling. Sometimes I had honest questions or requests, like when I asked him to read Mark 4 to me.
I continued asking things when I came home and was trying to decide whether or not I could still believe the Gospel. For a while I thought of difficult theological questions and would ask Dad about them just to see what he’d say.
Side note: A friend pointed out to me recently that the fact that I have a Dad who is in a position to answer hard questions and, in fact, welcomes them, is something to be truly thankful for. And I am.
It was the non-theological questions that I stopped bringing to him. In the hospital when I was going through my “quiz” reality-testing phase I’d ask people all sorts of things about the logistics of the past month+ (when I had supposedly been asleep), things like, Hey, Mommy – what was in my fridge/cupboard? What kind of shower curtain do I have? Hmmmm?
So one day I said, Daddy, how did you get into my apartment?
Poor Tanpo looked immediately stressed out and said feebly, Mommy?
I saw his distress and was immediately like, Don’t worry, Daddy, never mind. And I subjected only Mommy to quiz time after that. I gave Daddy a hard time in other ways.
But one night in Vibra (the 2nd hospital) I didn’t ask any questions. But Daddy saw that I was scared so he pulled a chair up to my bedside and talked to me about Psalm 23. …Thy rod and thy staff – they comfort me…he quoted.
I had just begun to wake up and was terrified and uncomfortable. Dad told me, The shepherd’s rod and staff signify the Lord’s power and authority…Don’t be afraid, Sweetie.
That night I was so terribly cold but unable to use my voice to tell anyone and lacked the motor skills to find and click the call button for help. So I would just lie there in my bed and try to use the pillow that had been wedged under my weird left shoulder to try and get warm. But I wasn’t truly comfortable until I had a dream that I was snuggled up under a blanket knit with Psalm 23 on it.
As the weather has been so cold lately I have remembered this instinctive desire to curl up under my fluffy comforter and be warm. It’s also my instinct to retreat from the world as my Recovery becomes more and more public. But it’s too late for that – I chose this lifestyle with my eyes open, and I love it even though sometimes I still get scared. When I do, the Comforter, who brings all things to remembrance, assures me that His power and authority rule everything – so I’m going to be just fine.
But the Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.