A couple of weeks ago I had my voice evaluation at ST and K had me make sounds into her “karaoke machine.” She asked if I wanted her to take a picture of me and the mic but I declined with thanks. The situation was embarrassing enough. The karaoke machine turns your voice into pictures like the one above. See the donut? The whole thing is supposed to be green. Sheesh. Oh well.
I don’t even like green donuts, but maybe the point of this is that I’m supposed to learn how to like them. I used to love going to the dining hall early in the morning in college where I’d reward myself for half-heartedly “working out” at the gym with a giant cake donut with pink icing and rainbow sprinkles. YEAH! Just the thought of it lifts my spirits, although I cannot condone my old food choices. The gut reaction is still there, though. Old habits die hard.
Me: Hey, Daddy, do you like my new shirt?
Tanpo: (pause) No, it’s not funny.
When I first showed up at The Place I worked with P (5), a summer contractor who treated me before I was permanently paired with Dr. A. Frankenstein (6). (Side note: Don’t worry, he knows I refer to him as Dr. Frankenstein. I’m his faithful assistant Igor, dragging his leg behind him but ready to do Dr. F’s bidding. And M (37) knows her name is Gargamel. I’m thinking I might call Trainer D “Mr. Miyagi”.) P is the compassionate one I panicked and cried on when she suggested casually that I walk a few steps to the bars without my walker and just holding hands with her and mom. When I first went to The Place I was still looking a little scrawny from my inpatient days. The first time I used a treadmill (the speed was 0.2 mph) P stood next to me and noted, “We need to feed you a donut or something!” (There’s a Krispy Kreme across the street from The Place.)
The time for donuts has long passed. I never went to that Krispy Kreme and it’s likely that I never will. Unless, of course, Ed wants to go for his birthday or something. In the meantime I’ll concentrate on doing my exercises to see if I can get more of that “donut” at ST to be green. When we got out of the plane last week, the kids zoned in on the Dunkin’ Donuts outside of the gate. Kpop and Ez got holiday treats – star shaped donuts with very green icing.
The important part for them was that they both got an iced donut. I bet the color was inconsequential. I like to tell Mommy (quietly, prefaced by, Psssst! Mommy – let me tell you a secret!), “It ain’t easy bein’ green.” This is code for “Today is a hard day, ” or “This particular moment is kind of sad.”
(Kermit the Frog’s original quote is “It’s not easy bein’ green,” but my grammar deteriorated with my injury so I’ve shortened it for ease of pronunciation.)
But honestly, being green isn’t all that bad – I just forget sometimes. But if I think about it and take stock of this situation I remember. It would be easier to remember if I could see a picture like the karaoke machine’s output – an easy visual that summarizes my situation and tells me I’m okay. Wait – I found one!