298. Somebody, PLEASE – just tell me what to do.


I have officially transitioned to Medicare. (Thank you for praying re. this decision for me.) I’m eligible through SSD (Social Security Disability), and I’m very thankful for this – the application process can be tough (so Intel retains a firm to help you – pfewf), but I hope everyone recognized my case as a pretty obvious presentation of legitimate need. They must have read my file and been like, Ooooh – get that girl some benefits. She’s all kinds of disabled. So I’m thankful for this provision especially because my COBRA would have ended soon, but now I’ve switched over and met all my new providers (I chose Medicare via Kaiser, where my parents go – the past few weeks have been SO busy with appointments, but they are slowing down now).

This transition, however, signifies that I’m in this for the long-haul. So when I say stuff (e.g. my “Welcome” note in the sidebar) like, “I’m learning how to live again,” I’m not exaggerating. Examples of things I’ve learned: a) to put on a pair of pants, b) to wash my own hair, c) to walk. Although I haven’t mastered these tasks completely (I have worn inside-out pants all day before), I’m currently pursuing more advanced ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living), e.g. how to cook and clean (lightly). The problem for me now is that the further I get time-wise from my injury, the advice for recovery becomes less definitive.

Nowadays, though, I’m not sure what Recovery is supposed to look like. I know what I want it to look like, but it’s not entirely up to me. To the extent that I’m able I’m taking steps to build the infrastructure for a rock star recovery, e.g. the first floor of our home has been overtaken by exercise equipment. My philosophy has been, if it will help me walk I want it. Daddy has informed me that I am not to buy any more equipment – there’s no more room, anyway.

I have also started supplementing PT with the ministrations of my new personal trainer, “Trainer D.” When we went to the gym to scope it out I was like, Y’all ready to let all this (pointing to myself) loose up in your facility? Yeah, they’re ready. The idea of joining a gym is really an attempt on my part to prepare myself emotionally for the day when I’m cut loose from Therapy. (We’re not there yet :).) I’ve already told you how heartbroken I was when I got discharged from The Place.

69.  Williamsburg - Taliaferro-Cole Summer Garden by NH

69. Williamsburg – Taliaferro-Cole Summer Garden
by NH

Leaving M(37) and Planet Rehab because my insurance changed was also horrifying. So now I get to see Trainer D on MY schedule. I’m not going to be discharged – I can keep on going to The Gym as long as long as I feel like it’s helping. FYI, it looks good so far. Although he immediately noted my left-side’s issues, (hemiparesis, to quote N1’s reports), Trainer D’s initial evaluation is that there are no limitations on my physical potential. Granted, part of my brain is still missing, but he was talking more about my existing muscle structure. I have not discussed any research on people in my specific situation with my providers, but to quote CMD, we’re going to try [and get me healed up as much as possible].

This is a very open-ended proposition for recovery. I desperately wish someone would just say, Eat XYZ, sleep at this time, exercise at this time, with results guaranteed to catapult me into the healthy-living stratosphere. But that’s not how this thing works. Actually, how this thing does work is the same way my Old Life did – it’s just that it’s simpler now. I do not have things like going to the office, caring for a family, keeping house etc. competing for my attention like you do. I’m just supposed to Recover. I’m at the point that I can interpret getting sick and losing everything as the avenue by which my life has been dramatically streamlined. It was streamlined in a terrifying way, and at immense personal cost, but it was also completely internal – the danger came from inside of my skull, not from another person. I am unfettered by the weight of another person’s involvement as well as most of the pursuits that dominated my life in the past. But what’s most important hasn’t changed and I can go to sleep and wake up with one thought on my mind: just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Psalm 27.4

One thing I have desired of the Lord,
 That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord 
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord, 
And to inquire in His temple.

Target Launch Tues Dec 10| Ann Ning Learning How

Please pray that all goes well logistically and we will get the incorporation and banking issues squared away for the target launch date of Dec 10, or sooner.






3 thoughts on “298. Somebody, PLEASE – just tell me what to do.

  1. Ning, you quoted my very favorite verse in the whole world at the end of this post (Psalm27:4), and interestingly, the very first time I “noticed” that verse is when your Dad quoted it in prayer one Tuesday night, long long ago. I was like, “I must look that up!”
    So thankful for the gym prospect and the medicare provision.

    • Dearest Ning,
      I am very encouraged and moved by your strength, focus and determination. Very proud of you.You have worked exceedingly hard.
      “The Joy of the Lord is YOUR STRENGTH.” Keep it up.
      Lots of Love & Hugs,
      Aunty Peng Leaxx

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