Soundless Singing at the School for the Deaf (they added some dance moves for my benefit).
I’m taking a little break from the Food For Thought Series: When Launching a Business – I need more time to think about customers so you can read about it in a week or two. Today I’ve got a more pressing concern/prayer request to tell you about: I want to be able to sing.
I’ve hung in there for the past 2 years assuming it would just take time for my voice to get stronger but it hasn’t. My speaking voice has gotten stronger but I’ve never been able to muster anything louder than an ill-tuned whisper at church, and I know that whispering is a form of vocal misuse so I have reservations about trying more. It’s also a reading issue – I need to conserve energy at meeting for not falling out of the pew and interacting with people so I generally do not force myself to look at a hymn book. It’s surprising how many verses I can remember of so many hymns, and I was away for almost 2 years and we sing different songs in Oregon. Sometimes I’ll mouth the words but this takes energy, too.
I know I’m not the only one with this issue – but this is of little comfort to me when I’m surrounded by singers and sometimes I’m too tired to tap my foot. To clarify, I was never a singer, just like I was never a runner. I just made my joyful noise and enjoyed hearing the voices of my friends around me who are singers.
This issue has been wearing on me more lately as I’ve anticipated my VCI (vocal cord intervention) . Frankly, I knew something was probably wrong when I went to see the PDG since swallowing has gotten a little harder and I’m still unable to sing although it’s been two years. FYI I had a little choking incident recently when I got a fierce case of the hiccoughs after I ate (don’t worry, Mommy – I pulled it together, I just got a little scared), and I am now not allowed to eat anything if Ai Ai isn’t right there. Dorito girl has been benched.
So after I shared my concerns with my PDG/ENT he was on high alert and I could tell he was taking a really long time with the scope, plus he kept on moving it around so there was obviously something worth looking at in there. I am still trying to get stronger etc. this summer at Ai Ai’s house but the leg issue and itchiness present variables I am learning to adjust for.
KAR and J opined that it would be SO funny if, after my surgery, I suddenly become a loud person. ( 🙂 It’s a funny thought – especially if you knew me pre-AVM.) I used to get asked regularly (once or twice a month) if I had laryngitis. Not kidding. But now it’s a concern. Part of the reason why I declined to work on my voice any more in Speech Therapy was that I didn’t want to have a different voice than before I got sick. I actually ended up having to assure everyone that having a quiet voice has worked for me all my life and I prepared a little speech about quietness never hindering my academic/career progress. But push has come to shove and it’s apparent that the passage of time will likely not restore my voice as it was, so I’m ready to admit that the quietness IS hindering my recovery’s progress.
So the prayer request is: That I will be able to sing and that swallowing will become easier and safe. I am not assuming the VCI will be the silver bullet that solves all my problems, but it sure would be nice. However, I would welcome improvement in my vocal/swallowing health at any time in my recovery – related or unrelated to surgery. Thanks for praying! xxoo