It got better. My vision, I mean. I had my evaluation last week and the tests indicated I have likely progressed beyond the “worse” stage. The reason I’ve kept it to myself until now is not that I’m holding out on you or anything, it’s just that I need a bit of time to digest these things, and in the same way that I avoid the language of certainty regarding my medical outlook, I have a great fear of overstating the positive. I would, however, like to thank you for praying for me and ask you to join me in thanksgiving for the measure of visual improvement thus far.
I had a feeling my eyes might have gotten better. Remember when I was super sick and nauseous at the end of November? Happily, the illness seemed to have cured me of the vision-induced nausea, but I was shy about pronouncing improvement in this area until I got some actual tests and a professional interpretation of those tests to confirm it. I was shy because, frankly, I wish the improvement was more noticeably obvious for me. I’m not overly self-aware – e.g. when I fell backwards but didn’t know it until I saw PT37 move very quickly to catch me. (She’s got good reflexes, that one.)
But what I can tell you is that improvement is obvious to people who don’t see me every day. For example, my sister – when she recently disclosed that she’s known about my sideways-leaning for a long time. Also, in December I saw my neurologist for the first time since I started VT. It took only a few minutes and no special equipment for her to tell me she thought my nstagmus (jumpy eyes) was better (except for the upgaze), and that I used my eyes more to focus on her when speaking to her. I laughed at that one since OT6 was very strict with me while I was at The Place. She said I had to look at people when I talked to them and that looking downward all the time wasn’t allowed.
Okay – I’m feeling a little heady from all of this positive talk. Mommy piped up during my Eye Eval last week and said, “I think she’s rather hard on herself.” Heh heh. She noticed. I don’t know if I’m truly hard on myself or if I’m just cautious. I don’t want to be too “upward trajectory” in my outlook since I have gotten very familiar with the sting of disappointment lately and I am also wary of setting anyone else up for the same disappointment – e.g. if they are ill, read of what’s working for me, and then are sad because it doesn’t work for them. I know that story, and have a real horror of being a part of that story for someone else. For the record – my body is still kind of crazy right now, so I don’t know that it’s a very good case study for what might (not) work. I’m just thankful for what does work for me at this moment in time.
To offset the “improvement”-talk above, I’ll share two pathetic things that have happened to me lately. I chose the picture above because it is also pathetic. My “son,” Ezra, was a little (lot) sad when his little brother was born and I think he was confused because his mom wasn’t home and he didn’t quite know what to make of it. This photo was taken right after he climbed out of the pool (he was swimming with me and his cousins) and Uncle Tim removed his impressive flotation device and wrapped him up in a towel. Poor baby is sad. I can relate. On to the pathetic stories that I hope will make you laugh:
1. I hit myself on the head in PT last week. I was trying to throw a ball in the air. Oops.
2. Remember when PT37 said I should do some VT exercises while I practice kneeling? My friends procured a large marble for me so I don’t use a pretzel M&M anymore. So I kneel and roll the marble around in a pie plate, tracking it in either direction with one eye at a time. The first time I practiced this (last week) I lost my balance and I heard the marble roll off under my bed. I had to call Mommy to come and help me because I forgot I’m disabled and automatically stooped to see if I could find it – of course I ended up on the floor. When she entered the room I explained, “I lost my marble.”